For easy reading this is almost all of Sandmans posts in the thread placed here for easy reading
Entry One : 12-24-2008, 02:48 PM
On the first of this month I made one of the bigger mistakes of my life by getting a place with my friend Lindsay. We've messed around quite a bit when we were drunk, but for the most part our relationship is platonic. She's only 22 but she has a 3-year-old daugther and is currently about 8 weeks pregnant with another kid (not mine), and I'm not looking forward to that. But we get along really well despite how these logs make it seem.
Since my supervisors frown on personal phone calls during work, we use Blackberry IM to communicate during the day. Here are some logs from some of our more interesting conversations.
Christmas presents, part 1:
Lindsay: Hey wake up mf
James: Hi
Lindsay: Hello there I am feeling sooo much better I'm going to see if ada will watch kk for a while so we can go
James: Go where
Lindsay: Shopping for stuff we need
Lindsay: We talked about this last nite remember
James: Ok
Lindsay: Wow u were typing for a long time and that's all u said
James: I was typing something else
Lindsay: Well what
James: If I wanted to say it I would've finished typing it
Lindsay: F u and did u get the check sent off
James: Yes
Lindsay: K so what were u going to say
James: Don't worry about it
Lindsay: I will worry about it ****er what were u going to say
Lindsay: Were u going to call me a bitch
James: Yes
Lindsay: No u weren't
James: You're a stupid bitch and I hope you drown in the blood of your own child
Lindsay: Wow that was a little much don't u think
James: Well you wanted to know
Lindsay: That's not what u were really typing common tell me
James: I don't even remember now it wasn't important
Lindsay: Ok well what do u want for christmas
James: A steak and a blowjob
Lindsay: Well I can do neither right now because I'm prego so what else do u want
James: Um how does being pregnant hinder your steak cooking and head giving abilities
Lindsay: Because both raw meat and penises make me want to vomit I don't even want to have sex nemore its disgusting
James: Well this is a serious problem for me so you're going to have to work on that
Lindsay: I know I'm sorry but what else do u want
Lindsay: And what r u getting me
James: I don't know and I don't know
Lindsay: Well think of something
James: What do you want
Lindsay: U can lick my twat
James: Well that's cheap I suppose
Lindsay: No that's not what I want for christmas I'm just saying u can do it
James: Oh ok glad I have your permission
James: Too bad it'll make you vomit
Lindsay: No it doesn't involve a penis so I won't vomit
Lindsay: I want my eyebrows and nails done
Lindsay: And I will need some new clothes for when I start getting fat
James: Ok
Lindsay: So what do u want
James: What if I like titty **** you when you're sleeping
Lindsay: Well I don't want to wake up with your penis in my face ill probably get scared and attack it and my boobs r really sore right now neway so no
James: Well just get me whatever you want then
Lindsay: Ok well u probably won't like it
James: It's the thought that counts
Lindsay: Well I think ur an *******
Lindsay: Does that count
James: Sure
Lindsay: Good merry christmas then
Christmas presents, part 2:
Lindsay: Wow u are gonna hate me I am picking out the craziest stuff for u
James: This should be interesting
Lindsay: Yeah its going to be its called a care package
James: Nice I don't really know what to expect there but don't explain any further
Lindsay: Ok well u are opening it tonite
James: No I'm not
Lindsay: Yeas u are or ill throw it all in ur face
James: No you wont
Lindsay: Yes I will u will ****ing open these mother****ing gifts
Lindsay: I'm yelling all that right now
James: Well I'm imagining it being yelled with samuel l jackson's voice and its making me laugh so sorry you're not scary enough but I will open it christmas day
Lindsay: No u will not ill burn all the food in the house and I don't know what else ill do but ill do something horrible
James: Yeah no sorry
Lindsay: James I'm so serious u are opening it tonite dammit
James: No I'm really not
Lindsay: Yes u really are or I'm throwing it all on ur bed
Lindsay: That's it that's final end of conversation
James: Don't do that I'm not giving you your presents until christmas anyway
Lindsay: Okay whatever that's not true ill get them from u b4 christmas
James: No you wont
Lindsay: Yes I will u better just give up I'm going to win
James: You'll get your eyebrows done and you'll probably grab whatever we get at ross and run until your prego ass runs out of breath and collapses but I got you other stuff a while ago and you're not getting that
Lindsay: And its not like christmas matters nemore to us we don't enjoy it like we used too
Lindsay: Ur a jerk well u can open mine
James: Listen I really hate putting up christmas trees knowing there's not going to be any presents under it so f u
James: And I just made jerome and eddie watch 2girls1cup it was ****ing hilarious
Lindsay: Ok well there will be plenty of presents underneath it for kk I don't really care about the christmas tree either but it had to be done for kk u know so yes u are opening ur christmas present u ****er
Lindsay: It has to b opened asap there are things that can spoil
James: No there's not or you would've said that in the beginning
Lindsay: Shut the **** up james just do it or I promise I will ****ing kill u
James: FINE
Lindsay: Thank u
Regarding our relationship:
Lindsay: When am I going 2 start work
James: You're not
Lindsay: Ok no really when
James: We're hiring a midget in a dr seuss hat instead
Lindsay: Yeah ok I can totally see y
James: Jim said I could hire a second tech as soon as we get our asc codes and stuff but the people in charge of creating and assigning them keep going on vacation so I have no idea when that will be
Lindsay: R u lying to me
Lindsay: Cuz I will kill u u know
Lindsay: Kill u in ur face
Lindsay: What windows does ur comp have
Lindsay: R u getting these
James: Xp why
Lindsay: I'm trying to figure out how I can get ms silverlight on ur comp for school
James: I can put it on a usb drive and take it home with me
Lindsay: Y do that I have the website
James: Lot of good that'll do when we currently have no internet
James: And why are you trying to figure out how to get it if you have the url
Lindsay: Well I can't do school until we get internet neway so no point in having it til then
Lindsay: I was asking a chat person and they asked what operating system
Lindsay: Kiss my ass
Lindsay: Y r u being so mean
James: I'm not being mean wtf
Lindsay: Yes u r ur being a jerk
James: I apologize for my rudeness, miss. I hope you can forgive me.
James: I want you to know that I admire your ambitious spirit and I wish you a pleasant afternoon.
Lindsay: That's even worse I really want to kick ur ass right now
Lindsay: It is caylees remains they are doing a press conf
Lindsay: I'm sure death penalty will b on the table I hate casey I want to kill her
James: You have very violent tendencies and I think I should alert the authorities
Lindsay: Yeah u probably should
Lindsay: Hey me and my sis r coming in soon
James: Ok
Lindsay: I'm going back to her house on monday cause ryan is going out of town and she doesn't want to b by herself so I'm staying with her I'm not sure if ill be home tonite or not I have a lot of crap going on
Lindsay: But I wanted u to know
James: What crap do you have going on
Lindsay: And I want to say something about me and u. U are like one of my best friends james and I love u so much but I don't want to be in a relationship with ne one right now and I don't want to do that with you because for one I don't want to ruin our friendship. We have a friendship a lot of people would kill for and I never want that to change. I just want you to know that I'm here as your friend and roomate of course but I don't want anything to change from that. I appreciate everything u have done 4 me. I am having another child now and it is not ur responsibility to take care of not one but 2 children that aren't even urs. I just want u to be there as my friend and support my decisions. Plkease answer me and tell me what u think. Sorry if I did anything to hurt u.
James: Um I will read this book when I'm not busy
Lindsay: Ok do u still have customers or r u avoiding this conversation
James: Hold please
Lindsay: Ok well we will b there soon
James: What the **** are you talking about
James: Are your hormones going nuts or something
Lindsay: **** u nevermind then if ur going to be like that
James: I never said anything about wanting a relationship. I haven't even thought of you that way since you got knocked up so I really don't know what brought all that on
Lindsay: U said u wanted to be with me if me and gary broke up
James: I said I wouldn't let you move in with me unless you and gary broke up
Lindsay: Well I remember u saying u wanted to be with me
James: That was two months ago and I was drunk and on xanax
Lindsay: Oh well that's nice thanks james
James: Yeah I'm really not sure what you want me to say
Lindsay: Nothing forget it we will be there in 10 mins
James: Lindsay, I'm lost without you. You brighten my dull life with your radiant smile. I can't imagine going a single day without waking up next to you. Will you marry me?
Lindsay: Shut the **** up I'm almost there and I'm going to kill u
James: Is that a yes?
Lindsay: Yes just so I can divorce u and take half ur stuff
Lindsay: I just wanted to know if our friendship was important enuff to u where u wouldn't walk away just because u didn't get ur way
Lindsay: But u think everything is a joke
James: So do you
Lindsay: Yes but I'm serious and ur being a prick
James: Bitch you knew I was a snake
Lindsay: I don't know what that means but we r pulling in now and I have my knife so yeah
Teabagging:
Lindsay: Have u seen 8 girls no cup
James: No
Lindsay: Well u should
James: K
Lindsay: Watch it right now I'm sure u can find it
James: No
Lindsay: Do it u pussy
James: Busy
Lindsay: No ur not or u wouldn't be answering me
Lindsay: Get one of ur coworkers with it
Lindsay: Oh now ur not talking cause ur pretending to be busy
Lindsay: I bet if I come down there u will be sleeping
Lindsay: I'm going to teabag u with my labia
Lindsay: And draw a penis on ur face
Lindsay: Do u think I could put a sharpie in my vagina and draw a penis on ur face with it
Lindsay: Wow I seriously want 2 try that now
Lindsay: What r u doing I know ur not really busy
Lindsay: James tyrell u answer me right now
Lindsay: I'm about 2 come down there
Lindsay: I'm going to practice my vagina art skills on ur face
Lindsay: What do u think ur boss would do if he came in and saw that
Lindsay: I think he would hire me
Lindsay: And I'm going to break ur legs if u don't start talking right now
Lindsay: Then u will be in a wheel chair and u will be easier to teabag
Lindsay: U can try 2 roll away but ill be wearing roller skates so ill just roll with u
Lindsay: Omg that would be amazing to watch can we please do this and get it on video
Lindsay: File: voicenote.amr (9 KB)
Lindsay: Did u listen to it
Lindsay: File: voicenote.amr (12 KB)
Lindsay: Stop sending me to ****ing voicemail
James: What the **** do you want
Lindsay: Nothing I hate u
Call tones:
Lindsay: Hey how do I get call tones
James: You don't
Lindsay: Shut up just tell me
James: Can't get them with a blackberry
Lindsay: Oh that's awesome I ****ing hate my life
Lindsay: Ur probably lying I'm gonna call
James: K let me know how that goes
Lindsay: I will ****face
Lindsay: Do I have a window based phone
James: No
Lindsay: Ok and I don't have an iden or rim so I should be able to have a call tone so in ur ****ing face james
James: It is rim dumbass
Lindsay: What the ****
Lindsay: I don't want this phone nemore I want a new one
James: K gl with that
Lindsay: Ok give me ur old 902 ill give u my bb
James: Why would I want your stupid blackberry it can't even get call tones
Lindsay: Shut the f up
Lindsay: I want the diamond 3.2 mp camera
James: That's a windows phone
Lindsay: No it's not ****er shut up
James: You're an idiot
Lindsay: Well if I had it I wouldn't care about call tones
Lindsay: Don't call me an idiot ill ****ing slit ur throat when ur sleeping
James: So you're going to spend what little money you have on an expensive phone at retail price just because it has a slightly better camera
Lindsay: Yes
James: So you're moving out then
Lindsay: What no
James: Your unemployment barely covers your share of the rent, food, electric etc so if you buy a phone you won't be able to pay that
James: So you're telling me I need to kick your ass out and find a new roommate
Lindsay: No I'm not buying it right now
Lindsay: Stop yelling at me y do u hate me
Lindsay: I cook for u I let u play with my boobs I do ur laundry I sing for u u won't kick me out
James: Yes I will
Lindsay: Think u can kick me out of the band
Lindsay: Well u think u will be just fine without me but ur MINE
Lindsay: How can u kick me out of what is MIIIINE!!!
Lindsay: Lol school of rock have u seen that
James: No
Lindsay: Well then
Lindsay: Ur a faggot
James: I'm going to put all your stuff outside and burn everything you love
Lindsay: Well u would have to burn urself
James: Maybe I will
Lindsay: Just kidding I ****ing hate u
James: Oh
Lindsay: But u should still burn urself
Lindsay: Maybe ill pee on u to put it out
James: Wouldn't be the first time
Lindsay: Yeah sorry about that
To be continued, I'm sure.
Entry 2: 12-25-2008, 03:24 PM
Quote:Originally Posted by MiCrOz
Can't really tell if you actually wanna be with this chick or not
I could probably write a book on that but the short answer is no, I don't. We've had sex (my first menage a trois was with her and the girl I was seeing on my birthday this year) and up until she was pregnant I could get her to do whatever I wanted, but I don't want to be tied down to her, especially not now. Had more than one chance at that and turned it down, but she wouldn't leave me alone and now I keep her around because she pays half the rent, she cooks and she adds an interesting dynamic to my life.
I will probably have another one to add tomorrow.
edit:
Just so this post has something worth reading, here's how I hooked up with the other girl that was involved with my menage a trois.
From: Angel
Sent: Wednesday, May 21, 2008 12:19 PM
To: James
Subject:
I hate dickweeds!!
From: James
To: Angel
Sent: Wed May 21 13:30:22 2008
Subject: RE:
That is very hurtful. All this hate is tearing me up inside. In fact, my lower intestines have moved lower and my higher intestines climbed up my throat during an extended yawn while Steve was talking earlier and exited for parts unknown, leaving me with a hollow feeling inside. I have decided to turn over a new leaf and become a loving and caring individual, with open arms, good words and warm feelings extended toward all my co-workers.
I love you, man.
From: Angel
Sent: Wednesday, May 21, 2008 1:32 PM
To: James
Subject: Re:
I wasn't calling u a dickweed, (jake)
From: James
To: Angel
Sent: Wed May 21 13:35:10 2008
Subject: RE:
Well then, I humbly apologize for the misunderstanding. Please have a pleasant and wonderful day!
From: Angel
Sent: Wednesday, May 21, 2008 1:42 PM
To: James
Subject: Re:
Ur being too nice.. I don't like it!
From: James
To: Angel
Sent: Wed May 21 13:43:30 2008
Subject: RE:
I apologize if I am coming off too strong with my untamed niceness and I hope you can forgive me.
From: Angel
Sent: Wednesday, May 21, 2008 1:45 PM
To: James
Subject: Re:
Assmuncher
From: James
To: Angel
Sent: Wed May 21 14:02:12 2008
Subject: RE:
I probably deserve that. I apologize for being an assmuncher and thank you for reminding me that I am an assmuncher. Also, if you require my assmunching services I'd be happy to comply.
From: James
Sent: Wednesday, May 21, 2008 2:29 PM
To: Angel
Subject: let's get together tonight
A bunch of the guys and I are getting together tonight to read The Last of the Mohicans. Care to join us?
From: Angel
Sent: Wednesday, May 21, 2008 2:31 PM
To: James
Subject: RE: let's get together tonight
Umm.. Is that a joke or are you serious?
From: James
Sent: Wednesday, May 21, 2008 2:37 PM
To: Angel Murphy
Subject: RE: let's get together tonight
I'm very serious about reading, but I don't do it very well, hence the group project.
From: Angel
Sent: Wednesday, May 21, 2008 2:40 PM
To: James
Subject: RE: let's get together tonight
I love to read! What time?
From: James
Sent: Wednesday, May 21, 2008 2:51 PM
To: Angel Murphy
Subject: RE: let's get together tonight
We typically start our group reading during the Witching Hour.
And the next day I guilted her about not showing up, so she agreed to come over that night. I got her drunk on Sebor and that was that.
Entry 3: 12-25-2008, 07:31 PM
Christmas discharge:
Lindsay: Merry xmas
Lindsay: Oh no merry xmas in return ok **** balls
James: Yeah sorry
Lindsay: What r u doing
James: Taking a ****
Lindsay: No ur not
System message: File sent: IMG00031.jpg.
Lindsay: Oh well I guess u r
Lindsay: Ur a dork and thank u for wearing those
Lindsay: Wait did u seriously take those in the bathroom with u or did u get up from the toilet to get them
James: Instead of saying merry xmas I was going to send you a pic of me wearing them, but right after I took the pic I had to take an emergency **** and I just left them on
Lindsay: Listen I hate u but u r hilarious
James: I get that a lot
Lindsay: Well what are u doing today other than that
James: Going to my grandmas to do some laundry, after that I don't know. Why?
Lindsay: Nothing just asking
James: You trying to see if I'll be home or something
Lindsay: No I was just wondering
James: Bringing all your ****buddies from ******ville over while I'm not home
James: Going through all my **** to find something to pawn to support your crack habbit
James: I'm on to you
James: I'm not leaving now I'm staying here all day
Lindsay: No u ****ing faggot I haven't seen u in a week I'm just wondering what ur up to
Lindsay: Yeah I might bring them over so they can help me tie u up and ill stab u so u can watch them **** me as u bleed to death
James: Sounds like you miss me
Lindsay: And then ill sell all ur **** ur car tv computer guitars clothes all of it and use it to hire the best doctors and scienists in the world 2 bring u back to life so i can clone u and kikl u over and over
James: I don't think you'd get enough money for that
Lindsay: Yes james I miss u ill be homw 2nite then ill go with u to work to trade phones and then either take ur car to my moms till u get off or find a ride
Lindsay: Is that ok
James: No
Lindsay: Yes it is and I might not b there til late tonite cause I have to meet more people for presents
James: Yeah that's bull**** you don't have money to buy presents and no one wants to give you presents
Lindsay: Stop being so mean its christmas
James: And seriously you can't take my car
Lindsay: Y not
James: Because
Lindsay: Y
James: Because it's my ****ing car go get your own
Lindsay: Is it because I'm not puting out
Lindsay: Cause I will
James: Really now
Lindsay: Put you out
Lindsay: Of ur misery
James: Nice
Lindsay: Yeah I knew ud be proud of me for that 1
James: Yeah I'm really not
Lindsay: And I will get a car when I get my income tax
James: After you pay me for repairs on the buick
Lindsay: Yes
James: You won't have much money left over you'll have to buy a pretty ****ty car
Lindsay: I know so ill just drive urs u can drive mine don't like it too bad ill **** u in the ass with the barrel of my baretta bitch
Lindsay: How do u like that
James: I'm just a little bit turned on
Lindsay: Yeah I know me too
James: What are you wearing
Lindsay: I'm wearing this cute top amber got me and those pants u got me and under that I have my moms bra cause mine is 2 small and a red thong u?
James: I'm still wearing the reindeer antlers and I'm wearing your bra because mine was too big and a thong that I found in your laundry pile. Looks like it has some sort of vaginal discharge in it
Lindsay: Omg is that what u do when I'm not there
Lindsay: Ur ****ing sick why r u going thru my stuff
James: No I was joking but are you telling me there really is a thong with vaginal discharge in it
Lindsay: Shut the **** up I'm seriously going to kikcx u in the balls when I get there
James: Well I don't see one in there
Lindsay: James stop it
James: But there are others with yellow stains what's up with that
Lindsay: Ur an *******
James: Oh wow black thong with white **** in the bathroom laundry bag
James: What the hell is this ****
Lindsay: Are you really ****ing serious right now
James: Is this some other guy's cum that seeped out of you or do you have a yeast infection
Lindsay: I'm ****ing prego all kinds of **** happens stop going through my underwear u sick freak
James: I'm just curious
Lindsay: Stop it just stop it mother****er stop looking at my underwear
James: So this is why you didn't want me doing your laundry lol
James: I'm just messing with you why do you care anyway
Lindsay: Cause ur a ****ing jerk and that's embarassing I don't go through ur stuff
James: We had a discussion one night about vaginal odor and then went shopping for douches together you weren't embarrassed then even though you really should have been
James: That was the night you found out you were pregnant
Lindsay: Yeah and then u said u wouldn't touch me again because my twat smells
James: Oh yeah
Lindsay: Yeah so stop going thru my **** sick **** god I ****ing hate u so much right now
Lindsay: Seriously I'm getting really upset I want to cry
James: I'm sorry I was just having fun I didn't mean to upset you
Lindsay: Ok I know I didn't mean it like that either but I'm really mad
James: I'll make it up to you
Lindsay: How
James: I don't know yet
Lindsay: Well u better think of something good
James: I could go down on you
Lindsay: Something else
James: I'm glad you didn't like that idea because I wasn't going to do it anyway
James: Because your twat smells
Lindsay: I'm going to kill u
James: Ok
Lindsay: Like not even joking that is a threat mother****er u r going to die tonite ill go to prison for it ill even turn myself in
James: Driving now I'll talk to you later smelly
Lindsay: Hope u get in a car accident cocksucker
Entry 4: 12-26-2008, 12:38 PM
Don't expect these very often. She's just been in a fiesty mood lately. Here's one that started last night and continued over into the morning.
Apology:
Lindsay: Wow christmas sux
James: Why is that
Lindsay: Cause I got socks and a fat prego shirt it only sux cause of my fam
James: Oh ok glad I didn't have anything to do with that
James: Are you not coming home
Lindsay: Yes u did mother****er u made this the worst xmas ever I'm not even gonna celebrate it nemore
Lindsay: I'm staying here 2nite kk is sleeping I don't want to wake her
James: K
James: I got some appliances and money for a dryer, and my family got kaden some stuff I haven't gone through it all yet
Lindsay: Aww that's cute she will open it 2marrow nite
Lindsay: Ill be at ur work 2marrow he said he'd give me a case with the phone right
Lindsay: Will he give a skin instead of a case
James: I don't know
Lindsay: Well he ****in better tell that cuban **** ill murder him and I want a freakin job so get me one
James: Yeah about that
Lindsay: What?
Lindsay: U better not say I'm not getting it I swear to god james I will hurt u
James: Jim said he wanted to work in here with me as a tech. I don't know why or how long that'll last. I guess he's just bored
Lindsay: Oh so I don't get hired then when were u gonna tell me
James: Yesterday but I forgot
Lindsay: How do u forget that
Lindsay: R u ****ing with me right now
James: Sorry
Lindsay: **** ur sorry thought u could convince him to hire me what happened to that
James: I did, he was going to. We were just waiting for the asc codes
Lindsay: ****ing great james just great thanks a lot now ill never get a job no1 is hiring I ****ing hate u and tell jim I ****ing hate him 2 and tell eddie ill cut his throat if he doesn't give me a skin with the phone and have a merry ****ing xmas now go **** urself
James: Ok have a good night
Lindsay: Die slow mother****er
Lindsay: Hey ill be up there at 9 is that cool to do all that then cause that's my only ride
James: Yeah
Lindsay: K sorry for being a bitch last nite its just u got my hopes up and I've been waiting for weeks and then u have to crush me like that I know its not ur fault tho so I'm sorry for taking it out on u
James: Well my hopes were up too. I was dumb enough to put myself in a position where I depend on you so you not having a job ****s me as well. If I can do something to get you the job short of quitting myself I promise I'll do it but I'm just not going to tell you anything until I know 100% and he tells me to call you in
Lindsay: How is it dumb to depend on me
James: Because you're not dependable
Lindsay: Oh so I'm worthless then
James: If you were consistently worthless I could at least depend on you to be worthless but you're not even that
Lindsay: Do u really want to have this conversation right now
James: No not really
Lindsay: That hurts me but we will talk later ill see u at 9
James: K
Lindsay: Can u at least apologize in the mean time
James: Sorry
Lindsay: Ur good with words u can do better than that
James: Can't
Lindsay: Y not ******* did u suddenly lose ur super genius speaking powers
James: Driving
Lindsay: Well ****in call me or send a voicenote stupid
James: No
Lindsay: Do it u owe me a real apology and I want it right now
James: Sorry for real
Lindsay: **** u I guess u don't care as usual but please keep typing while driving so u can die in a car wreck
James: K
Lindsay: Asswipe
Lindsay: R u at work yet
James: Yep made it here in one piece sorry
Lindsay: ****
Lindsay: K well
James: What
Lindsay: Tell me how sorry u r for hurting my feelings
James: Do you get off on me apologizing or something
Lindsay: Yes yes I do
James: Are you going to touch yourself as you read my flowery rhetoric
Lindsay: If I say yes will u do it
James: Only if you get it on video
Lindsay: K I will
James: Dearest Lindsay, I am truly sorry for hurting your feelings. You're not worthless at all. In fact, I feel like I could depend on you to keep my heart beating in your beautiful hands until a doctor shows up should you ever give in to some of your more morbid urges and rip open my rib cage. I love everything about you and I miss you madly. Hurting you is my greatest regret and losing you is my greatest fear, because I hate cooking for myself. I've been eating nothing but oatmeal and tuna since you've been away. The dishes are piling up and the floor really needs to be vacuumed. Please accept my humble apology. Passionately yours, James. P.S. Seriously, I haven't been doing the dishes. Please get on that ASAP. Thanks.
James: Was it good for you baby?
Lindsay: I came
James: I'm glad
Lindsay: Yeah no I'm going to do something bad to u I don't know what yet but its been a while since I've seen a grown man cry so that's what I'm going for
James: K see you at 9
Lindsay: And I'm taking ur car
James: K
James: Eddie changed his mind he doesn't want to trade phones anymore
Lindsay: Are u ****ing serious please tell him that I ****ing hate him thtas
Lindsay: That's ****ed up
Lindsay: Or are u just telling me that so I won't come up there and rip ur balls off in front of every1
James: I'm not making it up but yes I'm telling you that now so you won't waste a trip up here
Lindsay: Ok well this really pisses me off that's the only thing I had to look forward to this xmas
Lindsay: Does he know he's pissing off a woman filled with prego rage
Lindsay: Does he know I've killed men for less
Lindsay: Does he know james
James: Oh he knows
Lindsay: Do u feel me james...do u feel me inside of u
Lindsay: Ok well he's dead ur dead all of u r dead I'm just going to put stuff in fromy of the doors and set the building on fire see u in a few mins so I can watch u burn mother****er
James: That's two consecutive days now that I've gotten to disappoint you. I'm pretty proud of myself
Lindsay: Yeah ur doing real good there buddy how bout u just stop talking to me
James: That's my new year's resolution
Lindsay: That's not soon enough u should start now maybe after a few days ill forget I hate u who knows maybe even like u again
James: Again?
Lindsay: Oh ur right I never did well maybe if u shut ur smartass mouth I will
James: I like you
Lindsay: Yeah u show it so well
James: <3
Lindsay: Love u too muah!!
James: Just kidding
Lindsay: Me too that was the kiss of death see u in hell cocksucker
Entry 5: 12-29-2008, 10:27 AM
Pickles:
Lindsay: Hey what's up I'm getting kk to lay down
James: I was going to ask if vlassic was a serviceable substitute for claussen
Lindsay: No it is not
James: Too late already bought them
Lindsay: Well u better go back
James: I didn't see any claussen pickles
Lindsay: They are with the refrig foods
James: Does it really matter they're dill spears
Lindsay: Yes it ****ing matters jerkface go get them
James: Well I'm not going back today
Lindsay: James when I get home I better see the right pickles or I'm shoving all of those ****ty vlassic ones up ur ass
James: Why don't you pick them up on your way home
Lindsay: I don't have ne money my grandmas mean she won't loan me ne
James: That's a sad story
Lindsay: Please go get them james they are the good garlic kind they are the ony ones I eat and I NEED them
Lindsay: I don't care normally u see but its this baby its making me want them all the time and u know this
James: What else does the "baby" make you do?
James: Does it tell you that everyone is out to get you
Lindsay: No but the voice in my head does
James: Oh ok
Lindsay: Yeah u don't wanna know what he says about u its kind of frightening
James: Does he tell you that I shot a load into your jar of cherries?
James: Because I totally did
James: Eat up, bitch. You're swallowing for two now
Lindsay: Not joking that made me vomit just now
Drunk:
Lindsay: Where r u
James: With friends didn't want to wake you call if you need me
Lindsay: Oh awesome james I said I might need to see the doc if I get worse and u leave
James: I'm not even 10 mins away
Lindsay: I heard the vacum running and I was like y is james cleaning at 1 am
James: I've been gone sinve 11:30
Lindsay: So I came downstairs and it was the blender
Lindsay: The buttons not even on but its running I was scared I unplugged it
James: Wasn't me
Lindsay: Ok well if nething else turns on I'm burning this house down cause its haunted
James: Don't burn the house down
Lindsay: Can u come back
James: Do you need me to take you to the e room
Lindsay: No I just don't like being here alone at nite u know that
James: The house isn't ****ing haunted go back to sleep
Lindsay: U don't kno that but I don't like being stranded here with no car and if something happens ur not here its just me and kk
James: Hide in the panic room
Lindsay: What is that
James: The dishwasher
Lindsay: What?
James: Go back to sleep
Lindsay: Who r u with
James: People you don't know
Lindsay: Is nick there
James: No
Lindsay: Who
James: People you don't know I'm trying to get drunk shut up
Lindsay: Don't get 2 wasted u won't be able to drive
James: I can but some mothers might get madd at me
Lindsay: Who's mother
James: Mothers against drunk driving
James: Apparently they have a problem with me running their kids over when I'm drunk
Lindsay: I can't see y
James: So I try to only do it when I'm sober
Lindsay: Oh ok well still I may need u to drive me
James: Ok
Lindsay: How do u know these people
Lindsay: Do u have a keg
Lindsay: R there girls
Lindsay: Are u getting these
James: No keg we havbe a lot of liquor thogh
James: Do you want a pic thjers a mexcan in a sombrero
Lindsay: Well when will u b back
James: Never
Lindsay: Where r u at
James: Hi
Lindsay: Yeah where r u tyrell
James: ****ing
Lindsay: Oh yeah well that's cool it doesn't answer my ques but ok
James: What the ****ing christ do yo want I'm at home
Lindsay: What no ur not
Lindsay: Did u go into somone elses house thinking its ours ur going to jail or getting shot 1 of those
James: No old house
Lindsay: Yeah I don't know what ur talking about
James: Withj my brothr
Lindsay: Oooook I'm starting to worry about u
James: That's fine just stop talking ignore you now
Lindsay: Well hopefully one of them will bail u out cause if u call me ur ****ed
And I tried to get her a little worked up here so I'd have something decent to post but it didn't work. Oh well. Here it is, anyway.
Serious:
Lindsay: Ur gonna get me that instinct right james
James: Why would I do that
Lindsay: Please please I really really want it please get it I know u can so just do it please
James: Yeah I'll get on that
Lindsay: Seriously please I'm really serious please will u try
James: K
Lindsay: Are u 4 real will u try
James: I will certainly give that some thought
Lindsay: I'm serious u said u have access to them so u should be able to do that and then u could turn around and sell my curve please james please
James: Yeah but I'm pretty sure I've already reached my limit on stuff I can give you this year so you'll have to wait til next year sorry
Lindsay: Do more than just think about it
Lindsay: Ok well then my birthday is jan 19th so u can get it for me next year in 09
James: Ok
Lindsay: I'm serious
James: So you keep telling me
Lindsay: Y r u playing with me I want a new phone and u can get it for free so y don't u just do it and stop playing around
James: It's sunday I can't do anything today
Lindsay: I know but u can stop playing with me
James: I'm not playing
Lindsay: Yes u are u are acting like ur not going to
James: Because I'm really not
Lindsay: Ok whatever forget it
(six hours later)
James: How bad is the transmission on the buick?
James: I mean do I really have to get it towed or do you think it'll make it home
Lindsay: B my guest to try
James: I don't want to try it if it's that bad. You're the one who drove it that's why I'm asking you
Lindsay: K
James: So I'm guessing no on driving it home then
James: Well I've used up all my free tows so I'll have to wait until after the 1st. Are they fine with it sitting there for that long?
Lindsay: Dunno
James: Can you call and ask
Lindsay: Ill call tomorrow
James: Can you call raph on his cell
Lindsay: Ill call tomorrow
James: Alright well hopefully they're fine with that, if not I'll have to arrange something tomorrow
James: If they can't wait til after the 1st have them leave the keys in the glovebox
James: And I'll need you to stay home tomorrow
Lindsay: Whatever u say
James: Are you seriously mad at me?
James: I'll take that as a yes
Lindsay: Yes
James: Because I don't want to risk my job by swiping a phone for you when you have a perfectly good one already?
Lindsay: I really want that phone and u are being sarcastic about the situation
Lindsay: Well bb mess is messed up again see that's y I need a new phone
Lindsay: Or u just don't have service
James: Probably both
Lindsay: How are u risking ur job u said u could get one but ur being a dick
James: Just having fun with you, except usually you threaten to burn **** instead of pouting like a spoiled kid
James: Sorry
James: Yes I can get the phone. A phone anyway, maybe not that one but something. Depends on how many of each one I have in seed stock
Lindsay: Yeah well I normally can joke about other **** as well but a new phone is really important to me I can't stand to keep the same one for too long so I take that very seriously and u don't have to apologize just get that damn phone or u WILL die
James: That's better but I don't get why this is a big deal
Lindsay: Well this one is messed up
James: I can ae it, free replacement
Lindsay: Yeah but it'll be the same model I want a diff one
Lindsay: I don't ask u 4 much
James: Um yeah that's a lie
Lindsay: Nothing big neway
James: And I'm pretty sure I've given you everything you've ever asked me for and I've done or at least tried to do everything you've ever asked me to do
James: No incentive no obligation just me being a nice guy
James: So if this turns out to be too tricky and I'm putting my job at risk I'm hoping you'll understand when I don't do it instead of acting like a spoiled bitch
James: Because I will send you back to your mom's if I think for even a moment that my efforts are going unappreciated
Lindsay: It just took me 5 min to read what u wrote cause my ball keeps getting stuck and I can only go down not up its almost like kaden got something sticky on it
Lindsay: Yes u have been good to me I realize that and appreciate that and I know u don't have to. Were just friends and well roomates but I don't know what I would do without u and when I think about all u have done I get emotinal because all I have to offer is my friendship and my love and cooking of course. I don't take u for granted I would return the favor if I had the chance so ur right and I thank u so much for trying. Sorry if I was acting like a spoiled bitch but this means a lot to me even if u think its stupid
James: Ok then
Lindsay: And if u think its too risky don't do it ill worry about another way cause we don't need u to lose ur job
James: I'm pretty sure I know what to do
James: Punch the boss in his wrinkly old face and run
Lindsay: Ok if u feel ok about it then so do I I trust ur judgement
Lindsay: And then I read the second part
Lindsay: Well ok as long as u can go back to work the next day as if nothing happened
James: I'm sure I could
Entry 6: 12-29-2008, 05:39 PM
If she finds out I posted these, you'll probably never hear from me again.
Just had a pretty awesome one. I'll wait until tomorrow to post in case there's more.
Entry 7: 12-30-2008, 10:41 AM
Backseat of a Volkswagen - part 1: I Don't Believe in Souls:
Lindsay: R u awake
James: What the ****
Lindsay: Good morning did u sleep well
James: I sure did
James: And I would have kept doing it for another 35 mins if I hadn't forgotten to put my phone on vibrate
Lindsay: That's good well are u gonna try and get this phone today? Or how u gonna do it?
James: I'm gonna do it by turning my phone off and going back to sleep
Lindsay: Are u up yet
Lindsay: Get the **** up!!
Lindsay: Ur going to be late 4 work
James: I was in the shower
James: You were right about those black towels, now my dick is black
James: Should make me more popular
Lindsay: Ok well ada has to run some errands today so I probably won't see the doc today but I am feeling better and I might be home tonite depending on that ill keep ya posted but if not there's some chic left over from last nite
Lindsay: Yeah I told u let me wash them first
James: K
Lindsay: Ok soo......am I getting that phone today?
James: Ill let you know
Lindsay: What do u have to do?
James: Get dressed and go to work
Lindsay: I mean to get the phone
James: Get dressed and go to work
Lindsay: Oh really ok
Lindsay: I called tri city they said the car can sit there and raph wanted to know if ur selling it I said no
James: Why did you say that call him back
Lindsay: I don't want to sell zeus I want to fix him
James: It's my car and a tranny rebuild is going to be around 2k
Lindsay: I can pay that when I get my income tax
James: Good then I can sell it for more
Lindsay: U are not selling zeus he and I are very attached
James: Buy some cheap car that you can beat on
James: If I fix it you're not going to be driving it
Lindsay: Y not assface
James: This was just a temporary solution for you unless you wanted to buy it
James: In which case you can beat the **** out of it all you want
Lindsay: I didn't break it it broke itself it was shifting funny when u gave it to me like ur hoping I'd kill myself with it
James: I know but it's not a good car to drive daily
Lindsay: Y not the gas mileage isnt that bad and I like the way it rides and sounds
James: And if I were hoping you'd kill yourself with it I wouldn't have backed the actuator off to 5 psi
James: Well it's 23 yrs old and they only made 1500 of them so with every mile you put on it I die a little on the inside
Lindsay: Yeah that's ok and ill fix it and ill paint it either red and black or hot pink and black what do u think
James: No
Lindsay: Yes james that's what is gonna happen don't fight it jus accept it
James: Well I thought there was an instinct here but if there was someone took it
James: And no until you actually purchase the car you're not doing **** to it
Lindsay: Oh well that sux what else is there
Lindsay: Zeus wants me to paint him u can't stop me ill spray paint him if I havbe to
James: Treo 800w, blue bb pearl, centros in every color, green rumor, htc 6800, samsung highnote, muziq, others you probably don't want
James: Paint my car and I promise you they will never find your body
Lindsay: Ok which one do u think I should get and what is a highnote
James: The highnote sucks it's like an m520 with media controls
James: If you want to stick with a pda the treo is probably the best unless you want to stick with bb
Lindsay: Is the 800 blue
James: But the pearl has that stupid 2 letter keypad instead of full
James: Yes
Lindsay: Yeah I don't want the pearl what colors does the centro come in red balck pink?
James: Yeah and I think there's an olive green one now but I don't have it
Lindsay: I want the 800
James: K
Lindsay: Is this a good idea
James: You know you still won't have call tones right
Lindsay: That sux oh well
Lindsay: Can I get it today
Lindsay: Please please james
James: Can you get a ride up here
Lindsay: I am rubbing my phone right now like its ur head saying please lol
Lindsay: Yay!!
Lindsay: I can in a lil bit ada is gone ill try to get amber
James: You won't be able to activate it today but I need it out of here
James: Bring your ginormous purse and make sure it has room
Lindsay: Y can't I activate it today???
James: I have to ae your curve first and I can't do that until the 5th
Lindsay: Oh so I have to look at it and not get to use it till the 5th what a cock tease
James: You can play with it all you want
James: Get a feel for it
Lindsay: Yeah I know
James: Pet it, kiss it, grip it, maybe give it a name
James: Don't forget to play with the accessories a little
Lindsay: Ur right it will need a name
James: Can we do anal
Lindsay: Wow no
James: I'm holding your new phone right now
James: Are you really going to say no to me
Lindsay: We talked about this james
James: When was that I must've been drunk
Lindsay: Yesterday
James: Oh about the phone I thought you meant about anal
James: Well I feel I'm deserving
Lindsay: Yes james we can do that
James: ****ing awesome
Lindsay: Ill get a strapon how big do u want it to be
James: No you're the one receiving here
James: Both a phone and a big black dick courtesy of martha stewart towels
Lindsay: James don't even ****ing start amber is on her way here she's taking me up there I'm taking that phone and I'm activating it on the 5th
Lindsay: And ur keeping ur black dick to urself
James: You don't have much leverage here
James: I promise I'll be gentle
Lindsay: U really don't know how serious I am about this please stop ****ing with me
James: I'm serious too
James: I do favors for you all the time and this is a big one
Lindsay: If u don't do this I'm not talking to u nemore
James: Come on
Lindsay: Ill do something else 4 u
James: You don't have to talk to me ever again just let me put my junk in your trunk
James: Walgreens is right next door I can grab some ky it'll be fine
Lindsay: Please stop u can have ur fun later I don't want to play right now
James: We don't have to do it right now we can do it tonight
Lindsay: Ill wash ur car or something please I don't feel good and I was so excited just a lil bit ago now ur doing this **** please can u just stop
James: I don't like the one-sidedness of this relationship
Lindsay: Ok james fine
James: Seriously?
Lindsay: Ill wash the black off ur dick
James: With your colon?
Lindsay: With my hands
Lindsay: And washcloth
James: You give lousy handjobs no thanks
Lindsay: Its not a hj its me cleaning ur penis how would u know I've never given u 1
James: Yeah you did. Or tried anyway. You were pretty drunk
Lindsay: Well is that ok
James: No I'm going to stay firm on this one
Lindsay: Please I tried anal once I didn't like it
James: I know and I don't like stealing phones from work
James: Ok that's a lie I do
James: But you always get what you want out of me and this time I want something in return
Lindsay: Yes I understand but I don't want to do anal
Lindsay: Please james seriously I feel so let down right now I just want to cry y do u do this
James: I'm not trying to be mean or **** with you. I just want to do this with you because it'd be fun and it would show me that you are as appreciative of me as you say you are and that you love me as much as you say you do. And it's just another experience that brings us closer together without jeopardizing our friendship
James: Yesterday you said you'd return the favor if you had the chance and I want to know if you meant that
James: There's no danger to the baby, I'll go slow, we'll use lube. You may even enjoy it
Lindsay: Will u tell ne1
James: Not a soul
Lindsay: Ok fine
James: Thank you Lindsay
Lindsay: See u in a bit
Backseat of a Volkswagen - part 2: Best Date Ever:
Lindsay: This is pretty cool it has word and excel on it and I like the touchscreen
James: Oh yeah, so it's worth getting ****ed in the ass?
Lindsay: Um yeah well I have the phone now I'm not doing that so in ur stupid face cocksucker
James: Yes you are
Lindsay: Nope not gonna sorry bout ur luck
James: Are you being serious right now
Lindsay: Yes james we aren't having anal sex sorry
James: Alright I can't make you do it
James: I just didn't expect that from you
Lindsay: Yeah u really can't
James: I showed you how much you mean to me by risking my job for you, is that really too much to ask in return?
Lindsay: James I will do whatever u ask me to do just nothing like that. If u really need me u know ill be there for u and do what I can but I'm not a prostitute
James: The act itself isn't what's important to me. I just wanted to believe that you'd make sacrifices for me just like I've made sacrifices for you
James: I've sacrificed so much to make you happy and never regretted any of it because I thought that you cared enough for me to do the same
Lindsay: I know james I didn't think this meant that much to u I'm sorry
James: So you'll do it then?
Lindsay: But this is not a regular thing I'm just going to do it to show u that I do care about u and our friendship and I do love u but please don't ask for stuff like this again it's not a favor u should be asking me for I didn't want u to risk ur job
James: Thank you for understanding. And I won't ask for favors like this in the future, I just needed to know that you're willing to go as far as I'm willing to go
Lindsay: Well now u know I am
James: I'll know tonight
Lindsay: Well amber and albert were thinkin about coming out tonite or tomorrow for dinner they will prob want to stay over so ill tell them tomarrow nite is that ok
James: Yeah
Lindsay: And we need meat so can u be here at 6 and we will go pick up some stuff what else do we need
James: Eggs and oil are the only things I remember. Can we do that tomorrow night? I want to see what we have first and make a list tonight
Lindsay: Ok but will u still be here at 6
James: I'll be there at 6:08
Lindsay: And can we have leftovers tonite I don't want to cook
James: There's not much left. We can stop and get something. I have to stop anyway
Lindsay: Ok 4 what
James: Lube
Lindsay: Yeah can't 4get that well we will see
James: Make sure you **** before we do it
Lindsay: I will b ready
James: Can you wear a skirt while we do it
Lindsay: Yeah y
James: I just think it'd be hot
Lindsay: K
James: How do you want to do it
Lindsay: Don't know we will see how tht goes
James: Are you fine with me shooting it in your ass or do you want me to pull out
Lindsay: James I don't want to talk about this right now we will just see what happens when we get to that point but I don't want to discuss it with u right now
James: Have you ever done double penetration
Lindsay: No never done that or nething with 2 guys
James: Do you want to
Lindsay: No and ur scaring me
James: Actually can you wear that blue dress I got you for that date we never went on
Lindsay: No I'm saving that one
James: Save it? You don't have to throw it away afterwards
Lindsay: I want to wear that on our date not b4 it means a lot to me
James: So you're never going to wear it
Lindsay: Yues I am we are having that date dammit its just everytime we got a chance something would happen then I got knocked up cause that's how my life works but when I pop this kid out u and me are going someplace nice ill make u take me and ill wear the dress and it will b a real date
James: This could be our date
Lindsay: No james no our date is not going to b just buy lube come home put kk to bed and **** me in the ass u will not ruin this 4 me I won't let u
James: Alright a skirt it is then
Lindsay: Don't u put that evil on me james don't u put that evil on me!!
Lindsay: If u don't chew big red then **** u
James: Huh?
Lindsay: Taladega nights guess u haven't seen
Lindsay: Oh did I tell u about what happened to that white shirt u got me
James: No and what white shirt
Lindsay: When u got me the dress u got me a white shirt too it was my fav shirt well I found it when we were moving stuff at nikkis and it looks like gary jacked his dick into it I was so pissed
James: Nice
Lindsay: Yeah it was prob when I stopped having sex with him and started sleeping on the couch 1 of those nites I'm sure he did it then I want to punch him in the face right now
Lindsay: Can we go over there when u pick me up so I can punch him
James: Yes
Lindsay: Ill **** him up
Lindsay: K thank u
James: And can you wear a clean thong? I don't want to peel off something with vaginal discharge in it that you've been wearing all day
Lindsay: Oh ok mother****er u want to start on that **** again
Lindsay: Pull ur dick out in front of me now see what happens to it
James: Well I mean it'd kind of kill the mood don't you think
Lindsay: My eye is twitching right now thanks *******
James: Well calm down I don't want you to stroke
James: Or have a stroke I should say
James: And you really should be relaxed when we do this, you can't be tense
James: I'll give you a back rub beforehand
James: Light some scented candles, put on some soft music
Lindsay: I want to do this 4 u james but ur pissing me off just stop talking **** stop talking period and never mention my uderwear or vagina again ever I don't care if its on fire and ur trying to warn me don't ever talk about my vagina again cause I will ****ing lose it with u u really don't know so just stop
James: Sorry
James: Oh but speaking of that I was reading that eating yogurt could help get rid of vaginal odor so don't forget to put that on the list for tomorrow night
Lindsay: I'm going to break ur dick
Lindsay: Just letting u know
James: I'm just trying to help you out
Lindsay: I have to go lay down now I'm feeling dizzy again bcause of u
James: I turn you on that much eh?
James: Ok see you at 6:08
(we didn't have anal sex)
Entry 8: 12-30-2008, 05:21 PM
Today she kept calling me instead of IMing me, so for the sake of this thread I had to put a stop to that.
FGT:
Lindsay: Y is ur phone going to vm I want to call u
James: Don't know, that's weird
Lindsay: Well can u fix it
James: No
Lindsay: Are u doing it on purpose
James: Do I look like some kind of phone tech nerd to you
James: No I don't know what's wrong with it
Lindsay: Great well I was just going to tell u what I got I went to 3 stores and a produce stand ill give u all the receipts
Lindsay: And guess what I found
Lindsay: Green tomatoes
Lindsay: So we will have fried green tomatoes tonite how does that sound?
James: Terrible
Lindsay: Well ur eating it bitch
James: I thought we were grilling tonight
Lindsay: Amber wanted chicken instead of burgers so I'm gonna make that chicken again and homemade onion straws and fried green tomatoes and okra. So now how does that sound?
James: It sounds like I'm eating out
Lindsay: What so my cooking isn't good enough for u now
James: Too much fried **** and I was looking forward to grilling
Lindsay: Well what do u want then picky sob
James: I wanted to wear my grillinator hat
James: Crab legs
Lindsay: What hat where is it I'm gonna burn it
Lindsay: Ok well I don't eat seafood but if u buy them ill cook them 4 u
James: Nah I'm going to quarterdeck
Lindsay: No ur not y the hell would u do that
James: Because this is america and in america we want crab legs and a loaded baked potato and a cold beer and a hot waitress, not fried green tomatoes
James: Starring kathy bates and jessica tandy
James: Rated f
James: For ****ing gay
Lindsay: Ok go and when u come home all ur ****s goin to b outside try me mf u are insulting my cooking AND one of my fav movies of all time
Lindsay: I will shove these matoes down ur throat until u choke and die so u really shiuld just try them wilingly
James: NEVER
Lindsay: Wait lol I have ur car
James: ****
Lindsay: So guess what I'm not pickin u up from work until u apologize 4 ur rude comments and tell me that u love my cooking and agree to eat these mother****ing fried green tomatoes
Lindsay: So come on
Lindsay: Ok dickface guess ur walking
James: I apologize for being rude
James: I usually enjoy your cooking
James: I may even try a piece of your godawful tomatoes
James: But **** that movie
Lindsay: Nope sorry not good enough
James: If that movie were personified as a the hottest bitch imaginable, standing in the street holding a puppy and a magic sandwich machine and wearing nothing but a sign that says dear james please **** me silly love hot bitch xoxo ps I'm rich, I would still hit her with my car and back up to do it again
James: Not to mention its initials are FGT
Lindsay: Wow that's pretty intense but yeah u are walking so have fun
James: Worth it
Entry 9: 12-31-2008, 09:17 AM
I'm pretty sure every thread I've ever made in the history of the Internet has been amazing.
edit:
I just found a post in the Platinum Club where I mentioned her when I first met her.
Quote:The other one is a tall, lanky white girl. She's quiet and comes off as shy, but she's wild as hell. She has a mixed baby, only messes around with criminal black men and has a Beretta in her car. Her hobbies include getting trashed, getting into fights and shooting out the windows of women accompanying her ex-boyfriends. Apparently someone's told her about me being black from the waist down because she's already thrown me a few of the signs. I'm trying to keep my distance without getting on her bad side.
If I could go back and tell my past self that we're living together now, my past self's brain would probably break trying to figure that one out.
Entry 10: 12-31-2008, 05:32 PM
Grandma's Cookies:
James: I don't know what you can do with this information if anything, but I hear from a reliable source (a random huge black lady) that target is having a crazy candy sale. Hershey chocolate 75% off and such.
Lindsay: Woah hell yeah I need that
James: Got a ride?
Lindsay: No u go after work
James: I'm not going that way. Going over to my brother's and then to dale's
Lindsay: Omg y do u tell me about a candy sale and then not get it ******* I want some choc god dammit
James: You're two letters off from something I could definitely supply you with
Lindsay: And y didn't u wake me up this morning
James: You said amber was driving you to your mom's this morning so you didn't need to ride with me so no reason to wake you up
Lindsay: Well u could have said goodbye
James: Goodbye
Lindsay: Ur a jerk so ur not going to b home tonite?
James: Probably not, no
Lindsay: What will u b doing other than getting really wasted
James: Nothing I'll remember the next day, I'm sure
James: Keg, fire, booze, people
James: I'm sure I'll drunk dial you at some point
Lindsay: Ok I'm gonna hang out with billie cause its just her and her 2 kids alone on new years so I guess ill see u 2marrow
James: K
Lindsay: I might need u to drive me over there. She wants me there at 6
James: I'm not going that way
Lindsay: It only takes u 8 mins to get here and her house is half mile away so don't be a dick
James: I got places to see and people to do and things to be in, I don't have time to chauffuer you around
James: Get one of your ****buddies in the hood to do it
James: Oh wait none of them have cars
Lindsay: Wow it will b like 20 mins if that so just do it bitch
James: Or jobs
James: Or shoes
Lindsay: Shut the **** up u are picking me up at 6
James: Or teeth
James: Or worth
Lindsay: Well that's cool but 4 real can u please pick me up when u get off
James: I'm just gonna go ahead and say it
James: You're kind of a ho
Lindsay: Do u want to die
Lindsay: Is that y u keep doing this
James: Not saying that's a bad thing
James: You've been saying you need a job. Well, that's a legitimate career in some parts of the world
James: I can be your manager if you want. I already have some clients lined up
Lindsay: Ok well we better do that soon cause I won't be worth much after 2 kids u know
James: Yeah you really aren't worth much now but hey maybe we can hook the prego fetishists and crazy bitch enthusiasts
Lindsay: Yeah or guys who want a convicted killer cause that's what I'm about to b
James: Listen I think at this point we've ruled out all other possibilities for you so you might as well just accept it
(Here she calls me begging me to give her a ride. And she said she ate a metric f*ckload of food and was still hungry. And she started to say something else but I ended the call.)
Lindsay: Wow that was rude
James: Customer walked in
Lindsay: So u can say that instead of just hanging up I kept talking thinj
Lindsay: Thinking u were still there
James: You're right, I can
James: But I won't
James: Bitch
Lindsay: Don't call me a bitch ill **** up ur face make u even uglier than u already r
Lindsay: Y r u so mean lately am I bothering u at work
James: Actually I'm just trying to get a rise out of you because I'm posting these conversations on the internet
Lindsay: Oh yeah are u making ne money with that
Lindsay: Cause if u are its mine
James: No but I should be
James: The one about your underwear was pretty popular
Lindsay: U better not be ****ing serious
Lindsay: James
Lindsay: James tell me ur joking right now
(She calls me again, I let it go to voicemail.)
Lindsay: Omg I swear on my child james if u r being serious
Lindsay: I don't even know but u will bleed
James: Sorry had a customer
Lindsay: So r u joking or n
James: Obviously
Lindsay: God my blood pressure is prob so high right now u are a health risk stop telling me stuff like that
James: But you are highly entertaining
Lindsay: Yeah I bet
Lindsay: U are too when ur drunk so make sure u call me tonite
James: I will
Lindsay: K see u at 6:08 then?
James: No
Lindsay: Well my grandma is making u cookies
James: Yes
Lindsay: Yeah that's what I thought ur my bitch lol
James: Only when your grandma's givin up the cookies
James: Think she wants me?
Lindsay: Oh yeah 4 sure
James: Sweet, tell her to trim up cuz I'm gonna kneed that fat ass like dough and stretch the wrinkles right out of that snatch
Lindsay: I hate u so much
James: I know
Entry 11: 01-01-2009, 05:37 PM
I really doubt she'd google it, but she would look through my browser history and find a page titled "conversations with my roommate" interesting. When I get broadband at my house next week I'll have to set Firefox to clear private data on closing.
Entry 12: 01-02-2009, 04:11 PM
I came home late last night and she was sleeping, so I used that opportunity to pull a prank on her. But she kind of turned it around on me.
Classic Case:
Lindsay: Good morning sir how is ur day so far?
James: Kind of boring how about yours
Lindsay: I am so sorry to hear that. My day is not not going so well
Lindsay: Would u like to know why?
James: Did that abortion pill I ground up and put in your drink last night work?
Lindsay: Oh no but keep guessing
James: Are we out of tp?
Lindsay: No
James: Pipe burst? Power out? House burned down? Kaden fell down the stairs and didn't die which sucks because it totally would have been an accident?
Lindsay: No no no and that's ****ed up only I get to joke about killing my kid but no
James: I left the seat up and you didn't think to check first?
Lindsay: Yeah u did but no that's not it
James: The lab got those test results back and you tested positive for cockjuggling ghetto whore?
Lindsay: Um no
Lindsay: Come on u can do it
James: I give up
Lindsay: Well I was very hungry and as u know my favorite thing to eat in the mornings is my cinn raisen bagels
Lindsay: But when I looked in the pantry all I found left of them was the empty bag and crumbs
Lindsay: No response ok well I will continue
Lindsay: In the freezer the box of waffles was empty and so was the ice cream
Lindsay: And in the fridge the jars of pickles olives cherries and fruit are all empty
Lindsay: Any thoughts on that?
Lindsay: Any ideas at all?
James: That is horrible, you must have gotten hungry during the night and devoured all of that
James: Classic case of sleepeating
Lindsay: Oh ok
Lindsay: Well that solves that then
Lindsay: I think it also may explain the noise I herd in the middle of thr nite that sounded like somebody pouring a jug of milk into ur computer
Lindsay: Classic case of being a ****ing jerk who has to buy a new computer now
Lindsay: Yeah how do u like that james?
Lindsay: When did u decide that would be a good idea ****ing stupid cocksucker I'm home with all ur **** all day u think I wouldn't do nething?
James: I put all your food in the leftover containers and hid them in the back of the fridge/freezer
James: The bagels are in a ziplock bag in one of the cabinets
James: My computer will be roughly $1500 to replace
James: Start packing your **** now and call someone to take you over to your mom's
James: If you leave the couch and other furniture I'll forget about the $1500
James: But I want you out today
Lindsay: Oh what u can do pranks on me but I'm not allowed to do them to u huh
James: How is pouring milk in my computer a ****ing prank you crazy bitch?
Lindsay: I didn't I was joking lol
James: Oh wow
Lindsay: Yeah was that good
James: You really had me going
James: Seriously I had forgotten what it was like to be really angry and you just helped remind me
Lindsay: Good I'm glad
James: I still want you out though
Lindsay: Yeah ok
James: Not today necessarily just some time this month
Lindsay: Ur lying
James: No, I'm really not
James: I've been wanting you out for a while now I was just waiting for something like this to give me a good reason
Lindsay: What do u mean a while we've only been living togeth 4 a month
James: It's nothing against you personally, I just wasn't ready for this and didn't really know what I was getting into
Lindsay: Shut the **** up james
James: You and your halfbreed are bad enough to put up with. When you have that second kid I'm just going to put a gun in my mouth, and I don't want to do that
Lindsay: Are u being 4 real
James: I'm 4 real 4 real
Lindsay: No ur not
James: But you can take until the end of the month to get your stuff out, no problems there
Lindsay: U want to know how I know ur jokingv?
James: I'm not joking
Lindsay: U wouldn't be dumb enoufh to say that with me still here with all ur stuff
Lindsay: Would u sir?
Lindsay: Cause if ur not joking.........
James: Damn it
Lindsay: Yeah ur stuck with me 4 life u better just get used to it now **** balls
James: That makes me really want to put a gun in my mouth
Lindsay: Well if u do I'm keeping ur car
Entry 13: 01-03-2009, 09:44 AM
My case has a large fan vent on top and I've always worried about her kid pouring something into it, so yeah the milk thing was pretty smart in getting that kind of reaction out of me. I wish I could record calls on this phone because a little later she called me to tell me that she cleaned the house, and then screamed at me for a while about how she would kill me if I didn't stop leaving the toilet seat up. We can't get reception in my house so she would've had to have been outside, so I'm sure the neighbors enjoyed that.
My next prank will involve baby powder and her hair dryer.
Entry 14: 01-03-2009, 01:20 PM
Hulk Doesn't Care:
Lindsay: Hey u ****in bastard y didn't u wake me up this morning
James: You were awake, you were yelling at your halfbreed when I left
Lindsay: Well u didn't say goodbye jerk
James: Yeah I did you just didn't hear me
Lindsay: Whatever
Lindsay: Are u gonna be home tonite
James: Yeah, eventually
Lindsay: Well are u eating here or no
James: Don't know yet
Lindsay: Well u should it will b fun
James: No it won't b
Lindsay: Yes it will and my mom wants u there
James: Yeah I bet she does
Lindsay: So u will eat at home or we will all hunt u down
Lindsay: And kill u
Lindsay: And eat u
James: I hate cube steak and her boyfriend's kid annoys the piss out of me
Lindsay: What u saiid u liked it I got it for u
James: I said I'll eat it, didn't say I liked it
James: And I was totally lying about the I'll eat it part
Lindsay: Are u messing with me again
Lindsay: Cause I'm tired of this bull****
James: No but I might go pick up a porterhouse and a lobster tail and eat that while you idiots are eating your idiot cubesteak
Lindsay: Well I won't mind but david will probably kick ur ass and just take that from u just letting u know
James: He's pretty dumb but I don't think he's dumb enough to come between me and steak
James: I will break him
Lindsay: Well ur eating with us and ur eating what every1 else is eating
James: Only if everyone else is eating steak and lobster
James: And only if they buy their own
Lindsay: Y do u have to do this u know ur going to give up and do it so stop acting like ur not
James: Usually that is the case and I just don't want to go down without a fight
James: But now you're ****ing with a man's steak
Lindsay: U shut ur mouth u can have that tomorrow if u want
James: I don't think you understand
James: If I don't get it tonight then I won't eat at all, and then I'll be very hungry
James: You wouldn't like me when I'm hungry
Lindsay: Oh yeah y is that
James: I just had an awesome idea for a porno
James: Bitch you're making me horny
James: You wouldn't like me when I'm horny
James: Raaarrrgh hulk SMASH CERVIX!!
James: HULK IS THE BIGGEST
James: NO ONE HARDER THAN HULK
Lindsay: Yeah that's scary well let me know if u change ur mind so I know how much to cook
James: HULK BLOW LOAD LIKE GAMMA BOMB ON SHE HULK'S MASSIVE GREEN TITS
James: But she-hulk is the hulk's cousin so that'd just be weird
James: HULK NO CARE IF WRONG! FORBIDDEN FRUIT TWICE AS TASTY!!
James: HULK goes to therapy years later because he can't sustain a healthy relationship
James: Think of what that bitch could do with her kegel. Probably grips a dick like a vice
James: Are you turned on right now?
James: Would you buy the dvd?
Lindsay: Wow u think about weird stuff james
Lindsay: Yes I am very trned on I am playing wirh myself right now
James: Another satisfied customer
Entry 15: 01-05-2009, 12:56 PM
Human Genome Project:
Last night:
Lindsay: I don't think I need a ride home ill call if I do
James: Wasn't going to pick you up anyway
Lindsay: Shut up y are u always so mean
James: Because I'm a bear
James: Roar, bitch
Lindsay: Yeah maybe the downy bear
James: Are you saying I'm unthreatening or that I have down syndrome
Lindsay: Both
James: Wow that's very hurtful
James: I'm going to go sulk in my laundry basket and drool all over myself now
Lindsay: Ok u do that
Lindsay: Hey I'm going to stay here I don't feel good but I'm going to get my gma to bring me to get the car to go to my doc apt in the morn. Is that cool
James: No that's not cool
Lindsay: Yeah I knew u would say no but I'm doing it neway
James: Now if you would've said, hey I'm going to stay here because I'm smoking a blunt and listening to miles davis but I'm going to get billy dee williams to bring me down there to get steve mcqueen's car to go knock over a couple banks and get into a wicked car chase, well that'd just be full of cool
Lindsay: Ok well I'm doing that then
James: Nice.
James: Do you think you'll be here tuesday?
Lindsay: Yeah but not wed
James: You do still live here, right?
Lindsay: Yes I do
James: Well not for long if you don't bring your ass here and clean these ****ing dishes
Lindsay: Y can't u do them for once u lazy ass
James: Because my family didn't come over and use 18 plates between 4 people and then put cups all over my desk without using coasters
Lindsay: Ill do them tom nite jerkface stop yelling at me
System message: File sent: voicenote.amr. (me yelling "I'M NOT YELLING!")
Lindsay: File: voicenote.amr (3 KB) ("OH-KAY!!" like Lil John)
Today:
Lindsay: What time do u think u will b at work
System message: File sent: voicenote.amr (me using my radio voice to tell her I'll be there in seven minutes)
Lindsay: File: voicenote.amr (10 KB) ("I..I love your voice. And, ok, I'll see you in, like, fifteen.")
Lindsay: Hey so what can I ask for my bday
James: You can ask for anything
James: You probably won't get it but you can ask for anything
Lindsay: Ok either my nails and toes done a tattoo or my feet peirced which one will it b
James: I don't know
Lindsay: Well can u look up if I should get a tattoo while prego and piercings
James: There's just the everpresent risk of infection
James: Just don't pierce your navel, nipples, labia or clit
Lindsay: Ok well then maybe I should wait on those how about a day out getting nails and toes done and lunch or something like that
James: Just go get it done and I'll reimburse you
Lindsay: Oh ok prick
James: Yeah I'm a real ******* for paying for your ****, sorry
Lindsay: No ur an ******* 4 not wanting to hang out
James: I see you all the time
James: Or do you just want me to buy your lunch too
Lindsay: No dickface its not about money we need to hang out we never do nemore
James: Because whenever I have a day off you're in bassville ****ing your baby's dad or whatever other piece of trash that wants to contribute to the human genome project you're conducting in your worn out vagina
Lindsay: Shut the **** up I'm not sleeping with neone and I hate brandon
James: Yeah you're a really bad liar but that's ok
Lindsay: I am not lying y do u think that
James: Because you're a bad liar
James: It's always easy to tell, I just haven't said anything because I'd rather let you keep thinking I'm an idiot
James: But now it's getting old
Lindsay: Whatever think what u want it doesn't matter
James: I guess you're going to keep denying it until I can prove it
James: This should be familiar: hey can u give me gas money if I come out there I think I can make it out but not back I want to spend the nite
Lindsay: Oh so ur going thru my phone now that's cool
James: I don't have to. You ask me to do backup your phone once a week. Open up the backup files with notepad, everything's in plain text
Lindsay: That's great james going thru my **** ur a great friend
James: And I didn't start reading it until you started lying about what you're doing
James: Yeah, I'm such a bastard
James: You like being a victim of circumstance don't you
James: So yeah, I'll pay for you to get your nails done for your birthday.
Lindsay: I don't want u to
James: K
Lindsay: And I'm only sleeping with brandon because I don't think I should have sex with neone else while I'm carrying his child
James: Maybe you should ask for a vibrator for your birthday
Lindsay: Y do u care neway u don't want to be with me u said u won't touch me so what's all this about
James: I don't care. I'm just saying that's why we don't hang out anymore
Lindsay: Well do u want to do something snday?
James: You can come with me to look at dryers if you want
Lindsay: Yes we can do that but I want to do something fun too
James: I can put you in a dryer and watch you spin around. That'd be pretty fun
Lindsay: How about mini golf that was fun when we did that
James: Only because I was drunk
Lindsay: Well we can go to froggers first and u can get wasted and ill eat fried pickles and then we can go play mini golf and then go look at dryers sound good?
James: Sounds like a lot of money to be spending on someone else's girlfriend
Lindsay: Ok well I have ur car so **** u
James: ****
James: Why do I keep putting myself in this situation
Lindsay: Cause ur an idiot
Entry 16: 01-06-2009, 08:47 AM
Cliffhanger:
Lindsay: Hey r u busy
James: No
Lindsay: Can u call me
James: I can but I can't be on the phone for long why
Lindsay: We need to talk
James: Just type it
Lindsay: No I want to talk to u
James: Are you breaking up with me
Lindsay: No not moving out or ne thing like that
James: Damn
James: Well I'll see you at 6
Lindsay: No I'm staying in bassville I have to get blood work tom. And I need some1 to take me so I'm staying here
James: Well I kind of need my car back
Lindsay: Yeah me and amber will b up there in a few min to drop off ur car but I don't want to talk there
James: I'll call you tonight then
Lindsay: K don't forget
James: Can you at least give me a hint on what it's about
James: Are you going to tell me I'm the father
Lindsay: Ill talk to u tonite and no james ur not the father
James: I know I'm not but I wouldn't put it past you to say otherwise
James: Are you having twins?
Lindsay: No that would suck
James: Did you kill someone I know
Lindsay: Yeah ur mom
James: You just killed your hydro supply, sucks for you
Lindsay: ****ing dammit
Lindsay: No nothing bad I swear I just want to talk either on the phone or in prson
James: Are you going to try to convince me to let someone else move in
James: Because I won't
Lindsay: No shut up well talk tonite
James: You're going to ask me for something ridiculously expensive for your birthday
Lindsay: Nope
James: You've found jesus
Lindsay: No
James: He was hanging on the back of a sweater with static cling
James: Is this another talk about how the house is haunted by demons
Lindsay: No its not
James: You're dying, you want me to adopt your kid, you need to borrow money, you want me to do something for someone I hate, you need investment advice, you're going full dyke, you're selling some fine leather jackets
Lindsay: No stop asking now I don't want to talk ne more
James: You can't say something like that to me and expect me to not wonder
James: Or was this your plan?
Lindsay: Well just wait til tonite its nothing bad I promise I just want to have a discussion
James: You want me going nuts all day wondering what the **** you could possibly have to say to me where you can't say it via messenger, because you've said a lot of **** through text so anything you absolutely have to say in person or over the phone must be a bomb you're dropping
James: And it's probably going to be something dumb like what color curtains should we get
Lindsay: Yes that was my plan all along well don't forget to call me tonite
Lindsay: We r on the way now
James: Fine we'll talk when you get here
Lindsay: No please don't say ne thing in front of amber
James: You want to kill amber and you want me to help you hide the body?
Lindsay: Yes that's it
James: I'm calling the police
Lindasy: Shut up pulling in now
(She comes in, throws my keys at me and runs out the door like she just tossed a primed grenade.)
James: THIS IS NOT OVER WOMAN
James: I DEMAND SATISFACTION
Lindsay: Haha too fast 4 u huh
James: Yeah I think your tits came out of your shirt a couple times
Lindsay: I think ur right
James: So..you want to talk about buying a car
Lindsay: No but I do need u to go with me when I do
James: You want to make a proposition for group sex
Lindsay: No james sorry
James: You want us to fake our deaths and start new lives as russian whalers
Lindsay: No just stop ****ing asking me I'm serious
James: Are you sure? I'm looking at this bitchin harpoon on ebay
Lindsay: Shut the **** up I will ****ing kill u if u don't shut up
Lindsay: U are such a pain in the ass
Lindsay: Nvm I don't want to talk about it now
James: Fine I'll call you tonight
Lindsay: No nevermind
James: Calling you tonight
Lindsay: No point I'm not talking about it
James: You're talking about it when I all you tonight
Lindsay: No I'm not just drop it
James: Must've been something somewhat embarrassing
James: And it probably had something to do with me
James: Are you going to ask me to marry you again?
Lindsay: What do u mean again
James: So you are?
Lindsay: No but what do u mean again
James: You were joking about getting married one night and then you serious'd and asked me if I'd be willing to marry you if you were still single when you turned 25 and I said it depends on how desperate I am and you got mad and didn't talk the rest of the ride home
Lindsay: No I wasn't asking u I was telling u
James: And then I had a dream where you asked me to marry you and I said no then you started chasing me around with a hatchet
James: Oh yeah, that's probably why I had the nightmare
Lindsay: Yeah well its not about that ill talk to u later
She called at 7:25 and I kept intentionally moving to spots in my house where I don't get service.
James: Yeah you're just going to have to type it
Lindsay: Yeah I'm not mayb ill c u tom nite
James: No you won't just ****ing type it
Lindsay: Come over to my moms after work
James: Fine
James: Btw I got free pizza from papa john's
Lindsay: What how
James: Promo code glitch on their website, make a carryout order on the site and enter promo code tjttsok gets you a free med 1 topping
Lindsay: Omg thanks
Lindsay: **** carryout I don't have a ride
James: Well if you would've come home with me to clean these mother****ing dishes you could've gotten some and we could've had your super top secret talk so have fun being stranded in no shoes land bitch
Lindsay: Ok ****face hope u choke on it I hate papajons neway
Lindsay: I hate u too
Lindsay: And ur face
James: I will rage **** you until you love me and my face
Lindsay: Ill sit on ur face
James: Please don't
Lindsay: Ok well then **** u faggot
James: Love you too have a good night
Lindsay: Nite
James: But seriously what is this talk going to be about
Lindsay: Seriously the more u ask the more I don't want to have it
James: I hate cliffhangers
Tune in tomorrow for the exciting conclusion! Same bat time, same bat channel.
Entry 17: 01-06-2009, 03:06 PM
Originally Posted by CrazyGerbilEater
even better, just give us a live feed of your house 24/7.
I actually thought about doing something like that when I lived with my brother at my grandmother's house. It was basically a LAN center with a stocked bar and we had people showing up at all hours doing stupid and hilarious **** pretty much all the time.
A live feed of my new house would be pretty boring. Watching her chase her kid around and get frustrated can be entertaining at times, but otherwise the only interesting thing you'd see would be me playing something on the 360 and ignoring her every time she calls me from the kitchen to do something, then she stomps into the room and throws stuff at me. That happens pretty much every night she's home. Or when she's being extra annoying I might walk up and start groping her until she leaves. Or gets frisky back and I leave.
Entry 18: 01-07-2009, 02:06 PM
And now I know what it's like to have my own sticky.
Well, she said she was sick so I still don't know what the big talk will be all about.
Sick:
Lindsay: Hey can u let me know about that aircard u were saying u could let my mom hook up
James: Yeah I'll look for it tonight
Lindsay: Ok
Lindsay: I'm sick as hell dude
James: VD?
Lindsay: Huh?
James: Nothing, that sucks. I was wondering why you hadn't bitched at me yet today
Lindsay: Yeah I am throwing up a lot I've been layiing down all day and kk is being so bad I want to murder her
James: Alright well stay hydrated, I'll leave you alone
Lindsay: No its fine
James: Let me rephrase that
James: Alright well stay hydrated, and leave me alone
Lindsay: Shut up
Lindsay: Do u have eticket yet
James: No
Lindsay: What the **** I want to activate this phone!!
Lindsay: Who do I have to kill tp
Lindsay: To get this done
James: You can take it to leesburg and get it ae'd, activate the treo and then give me the replacement bb when you get it
Lindsay: I don't want to go to lees
James: You're in leesburg right now
Lindsay: Yes but I don't want to go to that place they suck and I hate them
James: Alright keep using your old and busted bb and keep staring at the shiny new phone you can't use
Lindsay: Y can't I just give it to u activate the new 1 and then u ae the bb when u can
James: Because it has to be active dumbass
Lindsay: I know ****face swap ur service to it when u get etic then ae and swap back
James: No
Lindsay: Wtf y not
James: Too much work
Lindsay: Omg it is not that much work esn swap ae esn swap done
Lindsay: U know all this ur just messing wit me
James: Yeah
Lindsay: Well stop it
James: K
Lindsay: So is that ok?
James: No
Lindsay: Shut the f up I'm calling to do the swap riht now
James: How are you going to do that
Lindsay: **** I left it at home didn't I
James: Yep
Lindsay: Do u have the sn
James: Nope
Lindsay: God ****ing dammit james u go home and get that phone and bring it to me NOW
James: Let me get right on that
Lindsay: I wanna scream right now but I might vomit
James: Do you still want me to come over there tonight?
Lindsay: No ill prob be sleepin
James: For our important secret talk about important secret stuff
James: K
Lindsay: Ill c u tom.
James: Are you really sick or are you just getting your brain ****ed out by a guy who doesn't know how to read
Lindsay: Shut the **** up
James: Stay classy
Entry 19: 01-08-2009, 03:05 PM
Hate:
Yesterday:
Lindsay: So when can I get my nails done
James: Whenever idc
Lindsay: Well I want to do them today cause I'm bored I might come home tonite or might just go out there tomorrow but the shop called and wanted to know if u were selling the car cause people asked about it
James: Yes
Lindsay: Yes what I said a lot of stuff lol
James: Yes I'm selling it
James: $3k firm as is
James: I can get more but **** it I want to get rid of it
Lindsay: Really do u think u can with the trans like that
James: 11sec we4 with a perfect body hell yea even if I just parted it out but I don't want to **** with it anymore I just want it gone
Lindsay: Ok ill let them know
Lindsay: Can I call u I don't want to type
James: Yeah
(blah blah blah boring phone conversation)
Lindsay: 35 for ped 35 for nails 2 dollar tip
James: That's like 3.6 bjs I don't know if you're worth that
Lindsay: Yes I am
James: You're not very convincing, I'm afraid you'll have to try harder
Lindsay: You shut up its for my bday so do it mf
James: Well I guess I can do that since you were so generous on my birthday
James: Although I think angel was a bit more generous
Lindsay: Yeah let's not talk about that so what if I come get the car and go cause brandon said he will watch kk while I go so then I could just pick her up then u could just bring me back after u get off
James: Why would I be bringing you back? Are you not coming home?
Lindsay: No ill be home tom.
James: Well you're not taking my car and I don't have the cash on me anyway
Lindsay: Ok nevermind that ill just talk to u about it when u get off
Lindsay: I'm gonna have to have a car though to get kk when I'm done and get back to my moms
James: Quite the predicament you're in
Linsday: We shall figure it out
James: I'm sure
(a few hours later)
Lindsay: K so I don't know how we can do this
James: Have your grandma watch kaden and then pick you up
Lindsay: Well she wants to sleep cause she doesn't feel good but brandon said he will watch her but I have to pick her up
James: Have your grandma take you to pick her up
Lindsay: Don't think she will drive to chris,s house she doesn't like the wilbs
James: Guess you'll have to do it another day
Lindsay: No I don't think I will I am going to figure this out now its important so help me
James: I really doubt your grandma would refuse to take you to pick up your daughter
Lindsay: Yes she would
James: Or do you just not want your family knowing you're ****ing brandon again or that you'd leave your kid in the care of an unstable drug dealer
James: Yeah I thought so
Lindsay: I'm not even going to dicuss that with u but but fine I'm not goin today so can I get the cash from u tomorrow my gma said she would watch her then
James: K
Lindsay: Ok well ill be up there tomorrow
Lindsay: Can I take ur car then
James: No
Lindsay: Y do u always say no u always let me
James: The last time you brought it back it smelled like cig smoke and there was a ton of sand in the passenger side floor like someone who lives on a dirt road like brandon has been in the pass seat of my car and probably gave my seat some disease like aids or hep or stupid
Lindsay: Whatever my gma will prob drive me
Today:
Lindsay: Can I please come get ur car my gma has to go somewhere she won't b able to pick me up
Lindsay: Please james
James: Only if you bring me lunch afterwards
Lindsay: Yes I will
James: And you're cleaning it inside and out this weekend
Lindsay: Ok I will
James: Fine
Lindsay: Thank u ill be there in an hour or 2
(a few hours later)
Lindsay: What do u want for lunch
James: Don't worry about it shelby brought me lunch
Lindsay: Oh u talking to her again huh
James: Not really she just brings me lunch every once in a while because she wants me to help her with her economics homework
Lindsay: Oh yeah isn't she still in hs
James: Tonight we're going over supply and demand
James: She's demanding my dick and I'm supplying it
Lindsay: Well that's cool so u don't want me to come home then
James: No you can come home
Lindsay: Well if ur going to b with her
Lindsay: I prob shouldn't
James: Yes you should
Lindsay: I don't want to b a rpoblem ill bring u ur car at 6 and u can bring me back to my moms
James: It's no problem you're usually in bed early anyway and since when do you care if you're causing a problem for me
Lindsay: Well I don't want to b there
James: Aw are you jealous?
Lindsay: No y would I b idont care who u ****
James: Sure
Lindsay: Ill c u at 6
James: You can join in if you want, I'm sure she won't mind once I get a couple shots in her
Lindsay: Yeah no thanks
(an hour later)
Lindsay: Ok so please don't hate me I was taking brandon out to house in lady lake and I passed a bike in a double line and got pulled over. I got a ticket. Brandon gave me gas money that's why I did it but I have horrible luck and that's what happened
James: Wow
Lindsay: I'm so sorry
James: Luck didn't have as much to do with it as you being ****ing stupid
James: Why the **** are you driving my car to lady lake with brandon
Lindsay: Omg ill give u my whole check when it comes in
James: I don't need your money I need you to stop doing stupid ****
James: How much was the ticket
Lindsay: 141
James: Can you get that added to your payment plan
Lindsay: I hope so
James: And you still have a probation payment to make this month?
Lindsay: Yes its my last 1
Lindsay: Do u hate me
James: No harm done, not like you wrecked it
James: Just stop going behind my back and using my car to taxi people around
Lindsay: I'm sorru Ims o upse
Lindsay: Upset right now I don't want to lose u as a frienf please don't hat eme
James: I'm gonna
James: Unless you make it up to me
Lindsay: I told u ill give u my check
James: I don't need money until the rent's due
Lindsay: Well what do u wannt
James: Come home and clean these mother****ing dishes
Lindsay: What the **** u still haven't done the dishes
James: Hell no that's your job I don't care if you're gone for a month I'm not doing it
Lindsay: Put them in the dishwasher dumbass wtf y do I have to do it
James: We had an agreement
James: I pay for the cable the food and most of the utilities
Lindsay: Ok fine ill move them from the sink to the dishwasher lazy ****
James: You cook clean and do the mother****ing dishes
Lindsay: And we don't even have cable yet so u can do the dishes some of the time
James: Or I will hate you FOREVER
James: Or get a new roommate
Lindsay: Shut up
James: Or both
James: And have my car cleaned before you pick me up
Lindsay: Ill try
James: And make your grandma make me some ****ing cookies
Lindsay: Ill ask her I don't know if she will
James: And tell that bitch I want ****ing chocolate chip this time no more oatmeal raisen bull****
Lindsay: Omg ok
James: MY CAR BETTER SMELL LIKE COOKIES
Lindsay: Well its going to smell like **** if u don't shut the **** up
Lindsay: I will **** right in ur driver seat faggot
James: If it overpowers the smell of your rank vag go ahead
Lindsay: I'm going to ****ing murder u
James: Ok good talk see you at 6
Lindsay: I ****ing hate u
Entry 20: 01-09-2009, 08:45 AM
Yeah, her teeth are horrible and she's not very photogenic but she turns heads when we're out, especially now that she has the prego boobs without showing much in the belly yet.
Ghosts:
James: Were you here today?
Lindsay: No y
James: I dumped everything out of one of the drawers last night looking for something I could use as an eating utensil and I'm pretty sure I left them on the counter but now everything's back in the drawer
Lindsay: See I ****ing told u
James: What
Lindsay: Its the ghosts doing that ****
James: Must be
Lindsay: Do u see what I'm saying now
James: Definitely
Lindsay: Are u being serious or are u messing with me right now cause I'm serious
James: No I'm serious too it definitely could be ghosts
James: But if they want to be helpful they can wash these mother****ing dishes while they're putting **** back into drawers
James: I guess they figure that's your job so they're not touching them
Lindsay: Omfg shut up about the dishes
James: But it's more likely that I just, I dunno, forgot that I put that stuff back in the drawer
Lindsay: No I'm telling u there are ghosts in that house
James: Sometimes when I'm thinking about something I'll kind of put myself on auto pilot and forget that I did stuff
James: Like that time I told you it's ok to hang your **** in my closet
James: I wish I could remember saying that
James: In fact I'm almost positive I didn't, but hey look your ****'s in my closet so I must have
Lindsay: Yeah u did
James: Or maybe the ghosts did that too who the **** knows
Lindsay: Is shelby there
James: Yeah she's helping me make dinner
James: Which is kind of interesting because I don't have any clean plates or forks or bowls
James: So I decided on pizza waffles
Lindsay: Wow that sounds exciting like really bad but exciting too
James: Nah
James: You know about pizza bagels?
Lindsay: Yeah
James: You can eat that **** anytime because it's pizza on a bagel.
Lindsay: I know they're amazing
James: Yo well leave that jewfag **** in the oven bitch cause here comes mother****ing pizza waffles ready to rape your face
James: Try to say no woman
James: They'll take what's theirs
James: Speaking of that
James: Gotta go
Lindsay: Yeah that's intense and ok ill talk to u tom.
edit:
I invented a new drink last night. I call it Hey Drink This Punch No It Doesn't Have Alcohol I Promise. Gin, oj and strawberry soda. Perfect for 18-year-olds who vow never to touch drugs or alcohol ever in their lives.
Entry 21: 01-09-2009, 02:28 PM
She said she won't be home tonight, either. I grew tired of not knowing what this talk's about so I was finally able to pry it out of her with my crowbar of guilt.
Mystery Solved:
James: Hey it's busy today I probably won't be able to talk
Lindsay: That sux oh well
James: So what's up why are you avoiding me
Lindsay: I'm not avoiding u ill b home tomorow
James: You keep staying gone for days or a week at a time and the only time I see you is when you're taking my car
James: So did I do something or are you just tired of me or what
Lindsay: No nothing like that really I'm just hanging out with friends I never get to c them ne more
James: Yes you do you were taking my car to go out there everyday now you're just staying there
James: Do you need a break from me or something
Lindsay: No james ur like the only person I don't ever get tired of I promise ill b home tom.
James: Do you really hate me
Lindsay: Yes I ****ing hate u ur a jerk
Lindsay: Just kidding!! lol
James: I feel like I'm losing you and I don't know what I did to bring this on
Lindsay: I love u to death james u know I do
James: Is leaving the toilet seat up really that big of a deal
Lindsay: No no no ur not losing me actually I get very upset when I think about losing u I cried yesterday for like an hour bout that and yes if u leave the seat up again ill kill u but I stil love u
James: I just miss you and it hurts knowing that you don't want anything to do with me now
Lindsay: I miss u too but its not like that I love u james
James: We used to be so close and now it's like you're hoping I'll take the hint and leave you alone
Lindsay: Please stop I'm getting emotional now so stop
James: Is that what you wanted to talk about
James: Breaking this off
Lindsay: No shut up I wanted to talk about us and our friendship like y we started hanmging out and where this is going stuff like that basic just wanted to know ur side and thoughts on things
Lindsay: We don't ever talk about stuf like that ne more just like stuff 4 the house and what were doing how ur day is but nothing about us ne more
James: Gotcha bitch
James: Your hyped up talk isn't secret anymore hahaha
James: WE HATE CLIFFHANGERS
Lindsay: Ok ur ****ing with a prego girls emotions and I'm getting really ****ing sick of it
James: So I'll see you tomorrow for our <3 bff chat?
Lindsay: Ill stay out here another week **** u and the dishes
James: Oh don't get me started on the mother****ing dishes
Lindsay: And no forget the talk u won't take it seriously ur such a ****ing smartass about everything and treat like its a joke and ur playing with me and I'm getting upset but u don't care cause its all a joke to u
James: I'm sorry for upsetting you
James: I take our friendship very seriously, I'm just having a little fun with you
Lindsay: I know but u take it to far
James: I want really want to have this talk
Lindsay: Ok well we will sit down tom just stop playing with me
James: Alright well can I see you tonight when I get off
James: We don't have to talk then but I can bring a pizza over or something
Lindsay: Yeah I don't know if ill want to eat though ill let u know b4 6
James: Can we cuddle
Lindsay: Shut the **** up
Entry 22: 01-12-2009, 03:06 PM
Originally Posted by 707
LOL
That was my reaction, too, until I realized she was serious. Then I was like
Over the weekend she was talking about how she wanted to go into the Navy after she pops this kid out. I don't see her doing that but I said great, go for it. And that just made her so happy because everyone else is telling her not to do it or she can't do it and I'm always so supportive blah blah. Truth is: I don't care.
She wanted me to take her to some flea market yesterday so she could get a new switchblade (yeah..) and while we were there we passed by a jewelry booth with a large ring display. She said, "We need to just get rings and get it over with." I didn't know what she was talking about so I didn't think much of it, except for that it might be cool to get a pinky ring. I was smiling, thinking about Joe Pesci's pinky ring skit on SNL when she said, "So...I wanted to ask you...would you marry me and come live with me on the base when I go into the Navy?"
I laughed. Be a stay-at-home dad for two kids that aren't even mine - yeah, that's what I want to do with my life. Ha. But then: "I don't want to leave you and you're the only person I could marry and not want to divorce." Waitaminute. I looked at her face. Oh god, she's completely serious.
Between that and dodging bodies while walking through amoebic masses of old people, I felt like I may have an anxiety attack coming on. She kept turning to look at me, waiting for an answer. But the only word I had in my head was the one I replied with. "No." She stopped and stared at me like she was expecting an explanation for the answer I had given, but I didn't give one. Instead, I changed the subject and asked if she wanted to get something to eat. She just stared downward while we ate at the dirt mall cafe and didn't say much to me. She eventually started acting normal but, yeah, that was pretty awkward.
Entry 23: 01-14-2009, 12:33 PM
Quote:Originally Posted by Gorgy
I vote you start bringing a tape recorder (or whatever it is you kids use these days) with you whenever the two of you are around.
Yeah, that would've been a good idea to utilize last night.
Haven't been able to get much out of her via messenger that would be worth posting. When we're together she's friendly but distant. When we're not she says as little as possible without completely ignoring me. I might have to tell her I'll marry her in order to save this thread.
Entry 24: 01-14-2009, 05:23 PM
Quote:Originally Posted by gamepin126
She's obviously unstable (at the moment anyways) I wouldn't say yes to anything while she's still carrying.
This is so true. Here's an example from today: she's been calling me all day and I've been either letting her go to voicemail or telling her I'm busy and I'll call her back, because I'm really ****ing busy. The last time I told her I'd call her when I had a chance, she blew up at me and I hung up on her mid-tirade. When she called me an hour later, I answered with an enthusiastic "Hi!" She said, "You always sound so excited when you answer. It makes me feel so loved. Aww.. (fighting back tears) I love you."
Entry 25: 01-18-2009, 06:47 PM
Lindsay: Can I come get the car
James: Why do you need it
Lindsay: Nevermind forget it
James: Do you need it for a secret mission that was on a tape that self-destructed
Lindsay: I want to get my taxes doen but ur being an ass
James: Wtf no I'm not. What's wrong with me wanting to know what my car's being used for
James: You say the car like it's ours, it's my car we're not married
James: But yes you can come get it
Lindsay: Nevermind I don't want to take ur car
Lindsay: Don't worry about it
James: Bitch you come get this car right now
Lindsay: Its okay
James: Why do you hate me
Lindsay: Ur being a jerk
James: I'm sorry, I just need hugs :(
James: Seriously did I do something to piss you off? You've been like this to me all week
Lindsay: No ur just being urself a smartass that thinks everythings a joke
James: Well I've been that way for a very long time and you've only hated me for a week
Lindsay: I don't hate u
James: Are you upset about sunday
Lindsay: What do u mean
James: I said I wouldn't marry you
Lindsay: U have no idea how hard that was for me to say and all u said is no with no reason
James: Well you kind of hit me out of nowhere with that, sorry
Lindsay: U act like u shouldn't have to give a reason cause I should know I'm just trash and u can do better than me
James: Wow it's not like that at all. I don't even know how to define better than you. I don't think like that
Lindsay: So what is the reason then
James: My answer isn't a definite no I just needed time to think
James: We can talk about that later. Come get this car
Lindsay: So its not really a no ur just undecided y didn't u say that
Lindsay: Ill be down there in a lil bit
James: I dunno, wasn't really thinking. Like I said it caught me offguard. You avoided me for a week then suddenly you ask me to marry you
Lindsay: I wasn't trying to avoid u I'm sorry u felt that way but yeah we will talk later on that
Lindsay: On my way now
She picked up the car and I told her to bring me lunch.
Lindsay: What do u want for lunch sir
Lindsay: U didn't answer so its a surprise
James: I love surprises but remember to get a drink this time
Lindsay: Yes
Lindsay: Hey another question to ask
James: No
Lindsay: That's noy fair I didn't even ask yet
James: Well are you going to ask sometime today?
Lindsay: I was wondering if I could use ur car for a while tonite so I can hang out with some friends and then I want to be able to come home
Lindsay: Is that something ur scared to answer
Lindsay: Any answer at all?
James: I need my car tonight so no
Lindsay: Damn what are u doing
James: Laundry and then going out with friends
Lindsay: Ok well maybe another nite?
James: Maybe
Lindsay: How much is it to rent a car
James: Are you serious
Lindsay: Well I was just wanting to know
Lindsay: I really want a car so I can get up and go when I want that's y I was wanting to know
Lindsay: So do u know
James: Oh I thought you meant for tonight. No I don't know, call enterprise
Lindsay: I called I have to have more money than what I have and a cc or debit catd so screw that
Lindsay: This sux I'm going to do nothing tonite I guess
James: If you hadn't broken the buick you'd have something to drive so way to go bitch
Lindsay: Way to make me feel better
James: What if I picked you up
Lindsay: Well not sure what I'm doing that's why I waaned a car
James: How much do you love me in metric love units
Lindsay: I don't know what a metric love unit is but lets go with 17billion
James: I think that converts to roughtly 92 standard units. It's a pretty ****ty exchange rate but you know how the economy is
Lindsay: Ok what does that mean
James: A standard love unit is 1 blowjob. I think 92 is good enough to borrow my car for the night but I dunno I'll have to think about it
Lindsay: Dude ill even go vacuum ur car and clean it
Lindsay: So can I take it
Lindsay: Please please ill play with ur balls lol
James: Depends on when I can start cashing in these 92 bjs
Lindsay: I don't know we will work something out
James: K
Lindsay: So I can use it tonite right
James: Yeah
Lindsay: Thank u ill c u at 6
Lindsay: Hey can we do something tomorrow nite I'm gonna c if brandon will watch kk so we can do something
James: What do you want to do
Lindsay: I dunno I wanted to do something withj u on my bday but ill be in bassville so we have to doit this weekend is that ok
James: Yeah
Lindsay: We never go out nemore just the 2 of us
Lindsay: Ok ill let u know what brandon says if not my sis is picking her up sunday so maybe then
Lindsay: God I want to drink so bad y do I have to b prego
James: Because you're a cockjuggling ghetto trash whore
Lindsay: I think its going ot b a boy
James: Wow I did not mean to send that
Lindsay: Oh okay well then guess u don't want tot ake a whore out huh well forget it then thanks james
James: No, I love hos
James: I just don't pay them
James: I'm ****ing with you. You used to have a sense of humor
Lindsay: If u were joking u wouldn't have said u didn't mean to send good to know that's what u think of me
James: If I didn't mean to send it I wouldn't have said that and would have tried to play it off like I was joking instead
James: Hey where the **** is my lunch
Lindsay: Oh yeah I forgot sorry
James: It better be good
Lindsay: Actually I threw it out the window when u called me a whore and I'm turning around now to pick it up and give it to u
Lindsay: Oops I did not mean to send that
Lindsay: Lets c if u think I'm joking when I give it to u
James: Can't be any worse than your cooking
Lindsay: Yeah ur funny how about u just eat my ass
James: That might actually be a step up
Lindsay: We will call it 2 *******s 1 cup with the *******s being u and my actual *******
James: That makes me hungry and aroused at the same time
Lindsay: Yeah me too I'm just gonna put my ass on the counter for u when I get there ur custs won't mind will they?
James: No but I was just showing one of them my phone when you sent that
Lindsay: Oh awesome
James: He wants to know when you'll be here
Lindsay: Tell him ill slit his throat
James: He saw that too and he's a cop
Lindsay: Ok I'm jsut gonna drive ur car into a lake and hide in the woods soorry about ur lunch
Entry 26: 01-23-2009, 11:06 AM
Yeah, I think she caught on. She calls me all the time but she won't say much in text. So I have to bait to get anything out of her, but now she knows that I'm just trying to get a rise out of her and it's not working so well. I'll think of something.
The marriage issue is dead for now. I figured that it's not so much that she wants to marry me, but rather just wants to get married and I'm the best/only husband candidate she has right now. She agreed.
Entry 27: 01-29-2009, 09:21 AM
I apologize for the dry spell. She's been weird(er) lately. I'm basically just getting a bunch of this:
(2 calls go to voicemail)
Lindsay: Hello james
(Another call)
Lindsay: Hey answer me
(Another call)
Lindsay: Y aren't u answering
James: Busy atm what's up
Lindsay: Nothin how is ur day so far
James: Busy
Lindsay: That sux
Lindsay: So are u still there
James: Still where? I'm at work
Lindsay: I meant on the phone chatting with me dork
James: Ill call you later
Lindsay: Forget it sorry to bother u
Entry 28: 01-29-2009, 02:03 PM
Nice:
Lindsay: Good morning
James: Hi
Lindsay: Hello there I am going to pay my fee today do u want me to get u lunch
James: Yes, yes I do
Lindsay: Ok what would u like
James: Taco johns, the usual
Lindsay: Ok it will b sometime around 12 is that ok?
James: That's perfect
James: So what's been bothering you lately
Lindsay: Nothing y
James: You're being too civil and its been like a week since you last threatened to kill me
Lindsay: Well I decided it would b best if I didn't tell u so u won't b readt for it
James: Oh ok
Lindsay: No I am a little stressed but I'm so happy I have u right now u don't know
James: Really why is that
Lindsay: Ur just amazing
James: I agree
Lindsay: Dude I'd be fucjked without u
Lindsay: Well I am leaving now my gma is taking me ill keep u posted
James: Have fun
Lindsay: Yay everything is done
James: Awesome gj
Lindsay: Thank u so much I love u btw ill pay u back as soon as I get the check
James: Are you done with the tickets too or just probation
Lindsay: No no just prob
Lindsay: And I can't get on a payment plan for the other ticket so I have to get a copy of my record and hope rhat my lic won't get suspended
James: How much was that one again
Lindsay: 141 I got an extension on it so im good I need to find a job
Lindsay: Are u busy
James: No
Lindsay: Ok well I just got my phone and I am calling u
Lindsay: I will prob be home tonite
James: Where the **** is my lunch
Lindsay: Dammit y didnt u remind me now I dont have a ride
James: I did I said I was hungry
Lindsay: Well poop on a stick
James: How is that going to help me
Lindsay: Get ur lunch bitch to get it for u
James: Its her day off
Lindsay: Well I will try to get a ride but it wont b till later im really sorry
James: Wow wtf
Lindsay: Sorry sortry sorry I forgot
James: No I mean why are you being so nice
Lindsay: Is this a problem for u
James: Yes
Lindsay: Im sorry dickface ill bring u ur lunch and eat it in front of u hows that sound
James: That's better
Lindsay: And then u can just eat my twat
Lindsay: And dontt show ur phone to a cust this time
James: I think I just lost my appetite
Lindsay: No its very good today
James: Oh yeah have you tried it
Lindsay: Yes I will save u some
James: Ok but hold the discharge sauce
Lindsay: U just gave me an amazinh dinner idea
James: ...I don't know what that means but I'm never eating anything you cook ever again
Lindsay: Yeah thats probably a good idea
James: Jerome broughnt me lunch
Lindsay: Y did u let that ****** bring u lunch I just got a ride
James: I don't have the ability to reject bbq from a black man sorry
Lindsay: Well im coming up there ne way
James: Why
Lindsay: So u can swap my contacts
James: You just miss me
Lindsay: Ok well that to but mostly to do my contacts on ur machine thingy
James: Are you coming on to me
James: I got a pocket full of rubbers
Lindsay: Yes james but im already prego so we dont need condoms just use my face!!
James: Oh they're not for you, they're for me. I don't want to get the clap and a qtip in the dick hurts like hell
Lindsay: Shut the **** up I hate u
Entry 29: 02-04-2009, 12:01 PM
Vagina Defense:
Lindsay: Hey what are u doing
James: Not much why
Lindsay: Nothing just asking
James: Would you like to do something with me today miss?
Lindsay: Umm maybe ill call u later
James: Why are you playing that game with me
Lindsay: What are u talking about
James: You wanted me to ask so you could answer like that, removes uncertainty and puts you in control
Lindsay: No i was just seeing what u were up to smart guy
James: Sure
Lindsay: Sorry to bother u last i checked we were friends so i thought it was ok to talk
James: Well it's not ok
Lindsay: Whatever ass
James: I'm sorry for being rude
James: Can we start over?
James: Msg me again like we haven't talked yet today
Lindsay: Hello
James: Good morning gorgeous, how are you today?
Lindsay: Fine and u
James: I'm fantabulous but it's a chilly day and I'd feel a lot better if I had you here next to me keeping me warm
Lindsay: Yeah sorry about ur luck
James: Can we get together today? I miss you so much I'm going crazy
Lindsay: Well sir ill have to get back to u on that u see i was thimking we could have lunch my treat but now i feel sick
James: By sick do you mean horny
Lindsay: No my stomach is huring breakfast didnt set right im getting sick
James: By sick do you mean wet
Lindsay: No i just vomited
James: By vomited do you mean masturbated
Lindsay: No but i was playing with myself when i called u but u didnt answer
James: Damn it
Lindsay: And i was just in the bathroom getting sick when kk walks in with **** going down her legs woo hoo
James: Nice
Lindsay: Yeah not really so im gonna lay down ill call u later
James: Will you be touching yourself when you call
Lindsay: Maybe
Lindsay: Hey so my mom said she will watch kk tonite so im taking u out to dinner
James: Do I get a choice in the matter
Lindsay: No u dont
James: Where are we going
Lindsay: Well I want to try the new oyster bar in eus but we will c
James: Are you going to get me liquored up so you can take advantage of me?
Lindsay: Yes
James: I knew it
Lindsay: Actually i just wanted to treat u to dinner for once with the little money i have left over from the car
James: Sure wink wink nudge nudge say no more
James: If you want to **** me all you have to do is mount me. I might say I'm not that kind of boy but really I'm powerless to stop you
Lindsay: Well its not about that so shut ur face dickweed
James: I know, why does it always have to be about that? Why don't we just have dinner and see what happens, stop being so pushy gosh
Lindsay: Do u want to go or not
James: Yes but only if you'll call the next day
Lindsay: K
James: I'm having a fashion emergency!! I don't know what to wear. I was going to wear those jeans you like but I think they make my butt look big :(
Lindsay: Yeah u can stop being a faggot now
James: No I don't think I can. It's like a defensive mechanism
James: It's nature's way of protecting me from your vagina
Lindsay: Thats cool im trying to be nice and do something for u and ur being a jerk
James: Yes that is very nice of you and I appreciate it so are you going to meet me there or am I picking you up
Lindsay: Ill meet u there ill call u before i leave
James: Are you coming home with me afterwards
Lindsay: Yeah after i pick up kaden
James: Good
James: Because we're out of clean dishes
Lindsay: Well maybe u should fucjking use paper plaets when im gone or clean the dishes urself dumbass
James: Don't try to change me baby
Entry 30: 02-11-2009, 02:24 PM
Lately she's been refusing to have text conversations with me and has been calling me 50 times a day, instead, even though I don't answer most of the time because I'm busy at work. I asked why that is and she says I'm much nicer on the phone than I am in text. So I'll see if I can get her back to texting, and I'll have to be nice and hope the crazy naturally seeps out of her without me having to goad her. In the meantime, I still have most of our emails logged from when we worked together and some older BBIM conversations. I just have to dig them up, which I will do tonight if I remember.
Entry 31: 02-12-2009, 10:23 AM
I guess I could post a recording of our conversations so you can hear that she talks to me like she does in these logs. I'm usually more reserved, though.
I looked through the older IM logs and most of it is just her asking me to come over. Not a whole lot worth posting. But here are some of our more interesting emails:
1/10/2008
From: James
To: Lindsay
Subject: Inv 55981
I need the order # or the hex esn.
From: Lindsay
To: James
Subject: RE: Inv 55981
I'd have to look at the paper work which is in apk so ask shannon or tiffany
From: James
To: Lindsay
Subject: RE: Inv 55981
Shannon couldn't find it in the filing cabinet. Check your spreadsheets.
From: Lindsay
To: James
Subject: RE: Inv 55981
what spreadsheets stop telling me what to do i hate you
From: James
To: Lindsay
Subject: RE: Inv 45981
Your commission spreadsheets. I'm trying to quietly fix one of your ****ups so it'd be cool if you could help me out a little here. I need the hex esn and the dec you have listed isn't showing up in their device history and there aren't any orders showing up for that BAN, so I'm guessing you typed the wrong ptn or the sale never happened and you forgot to delete the invoice.
From: Lindsay
To: James
Subject: RE: Inv 45981
I think you ar right, nicholas was supposed to delete and he never did so if you could do that for me that would be great! and kiss my ass jerkface you better drop the ****ing attitude because i WILL kill you!! thank you and have a glamorous day!!!
1/19/2008
From: Lindsay
To: James
Subject:
dang it i have to work on my bday this is so messed up and i feel like poop and its your fault!!
From: James
To: Lindsay
Subject: RE:
Someone call out? And how is this my fault?
From: Lindsay
To: James
Subject: RE:
yeah vanessa shes a ****in **** she says shes stuck in daytona i want to go home at least its not busy...and its your fault cause you knocked me up thats why im sick LOL
From: James
To: Lindsay
Subject: RE:
Yeah you need to stop joking about that. Matt thinks I really did knock you up and he was asking me if you were keeping it and if he'd have to worry about you taking maternity leave and ****.
From: Lindsay
To: James
Subject: RE:
LOL what did you tell him??
From: James
To: Lindsay
Subject: RE:
I told him I wouldn't **** you with someone else's dick.
Oh and happy birthday btw
From: Lindsay
To: James
Subject: RE:
wow that is mean if i didn't feel so bad i'd drive over there and kick your ass!!! aww and thank you yes i'm finally 21 yay!!! so what did you get me for my bday?/
From: James
To: Lindsay
Subject: RE:
Yes that was mean and I apologize for that. It's also not true, hence my gift to you: it's half of my dick. The back half. Come and get it.
From: Lindsay
To: James
Subject: RE:
what only the back half what am i supposed to do with that???
From: James
To: Lindsay
Subject: RE:
Well you have to go through the front half to get to the back half...
From: Lindsay
To: James
Subject: RE:
oh okay wow that's cool so do ytou think we can really fit all that in there?
From: James
To: Lindsay
Subject: RE:
Well, you've popped out at least one kid that I know of and you've ****ed a lot of black guys...so yeah we can probably fit the fat end of a baseball bat in there.
From: Lindsay
To: James
Subject: RE:
actually percy is very tight and i'm going to cut your dick off but don't worry i just want the back half i ****ing hate you and i'm going home have a nice day!!
2/6/2008
From: Lindsay
To: James
Subject:
shut the **** up *******
From: James
To: Lindsay
Subject:
??
From: Lindsay
To: James
Subject: RE:
yeahh i hate you and your face
From: James
To: Lindsay
Subject: RE:
I will fight you.
From: Lindsay
To: James
Subject: RE:
I know kung fu!!! it is very boring here so make me laugh!!
From: James
To: Lindsay
Subject: RE:
How am I funny? What, like I'm a clown? I'm here to ****in' amuse you? What the **** is so funny about me?
From: Lindsay
To: James
Subject: RE:
listen mr. owens, your job is to make work more fun for me and right now i'm not impressed by your performance so please get with the program or you WILL be fired!!
love,
the management
From: James
To: Lindsay
Subject: RE:
You couldn't manage a bag of fritos.
From: Lindsay
To: James
Subject: RE:
OMG i just did the same thing with some funyuns and then i read that LOL!! yes i am a dork i know....so how is MD???
From: James
To: Lindsay
Subject: RE:
****ing insane. Steve's out, Nick went to Apopka and Matt showed up. I was going to call you over but Matt said NO WAY EUSTIS IS WAYYYYYY TOO BUSY WE CAN'T POSSIBLY SPARE ANYONE OVER THERE THE PLACE IS A MADHOUSE I TELL YOU meanwhile you're making bags of funyuns explode all over the breakroom and Tiffany's probably sleeping in the chair out front. I ****ing hate everyone.
From: Lindsay
To: James
Subject: RE:
yeah i actually just masterbated in the bathroom and tiffany has just been on myspace all day i think we have had 3 customers?? im hungry!!!
From: James
To: Lindsay
Subject: RE:
Forwarding that to Matt.
From: Lindsay
To: James
Subject: RE:
nooo don't do that and he will have to get tiffany cause she opened
From: James
To: Lindsay
Subject: RE:
Tell Tiffany to go to MD.
From: Lindsay
To: James
Subject: RE:
ok so where is my lunch???
From: James
To: Lindsay
Subject: RE:
Waiting for you at one of your many local eateries, I presume.
From: Lindsay
To: James
Subject: RE:
sooo what would i have to do to get you to ordre me a pizza........
From: James
To: Lindsay
Subject: RE:
Pay for it.
From: Lindsay
To: James
Subject: RE:
no im broke so what do you want me to do...???
From: James
To: Lindsay
Subject: RE:
I wish it was this easy with more women
From: Lindsay
To: James
Subject: RE:
what is that supposed to mean? i'm not whoring myself to you for a pizza i was meaning like i could clean your car or something jerk!! so think of something and order me a friggin pizza pep and sausage please
From: James
To: Lindsay
Subject: RE:
Sounds to me like you're not that hungry.
From: Lindsay
To: James
Subject: RE:
ill let you watch me play with myself!!
From: James
To: Lindsay
Subject: RE:
It'll be there in 30 mins.
From: Lindsay
To: James
Subject: RE:
thank you thank you see you after 7
3/17/2008
From: Lindsay
To: James
Subject:
can you please tell the retards in your store to stop calling here asking if we have 580s cause we don't and tell steve i'm going to kick his ass if he doesn't stop sending me these long emails thank you!!
From: James
To: Lindsay
Subject: RE:
Those emails contain very important information and it'd be in your best interest to read through them thoroughly.
From: Lindsay
To: James
Subject: RE:
the last oen he sent was about onions and before that it was some greek guy so no they are not important
From: James
To: Lindsay
Subject: RE:
That wasn't just any Greek guy. That was Oedipus, bitch, the original balla. **** tha police!
From: Lindsay
To: James
Subject: RE:
ok what are you talking about actually nevermind just stop talkign to me
From: James
To: Lindsay
Subject: RE:
I understand your hostility. You're just jealous of my hair. That's ok, I can't really blame you. I'll even give you my secret:
Orange shampoo
Lather, rinse, repeat
From: Lindsay
To: James
Subject: RE:
you are such an idiot but that is why i love you!!!
From: James
To: Lindsay
Subject: RE:
If you really did love me I'd have to use another type of shampoo, but not on my head.
From: Lindsay
To: James
Subject: RE:
i don't know what your talking about but yes i do really love you and i'm going to have your kid and we are going to get married so get down on your knee and ask me bitch!!!
From: James
To: Lindsay
Subject: RE:
Yeah I'll get back to you on that.
5/9/2008
From: Lindsay
To: James
Subject: Hey maggot
were you sending emails from my name?
From: James
To: Lindsay
Subject: RE: Hey maggot
mmmmmaybe
From: Lindsay
To: James
Subject: RE: Hey maggot
Yeah you were you asked angel if we could make out...so youre breaking into my emails AND cheating on me with a japo thats messed up!!!!!
From: James
To: Lindsay
Subject: RE: Hey maggot
Well the email came from you so you're the one cheating on me with a jap. What did she say?
From: Lindsay
To: James
Subject: RE: Hey maggot
she says yes and we are going to have crazy hot hot dyke sex tonite wanna join in??? no she knew it was you so there assface
From: James
To: Lindsay
Subject: RE: Hey maggot
I'm pretty sure she wants my dick.
From: Lindsay
To: James
Subject: RE: Hey maggot
yeah she does but why would you want that skinny bitch when you already have this skinny bitch LOL!!!
From: James
To: Lindsay
Subject: RE: Hey maggot
You can't just fill out an app for the dickhandler position and expect to get the job. You have to follow through and get some face time. Right now she's the more persistant applicant so if you want to make it to the interview process you're going to have to step up your efforts, miss.
From: Lindsay
To: James
Subject: RE: Hey maggot
wow that made me feel like i really need to try harder then i was like wait a min LOL well good luck sir and let me know how that interview goes LOL!!
5/29/2008
From: Nick
To: Steve; James
Subject: Holy crap
Danielle "I would like love a hot pink case for my phone. It would look like way cute with the green, so totally awesome."
Me "It would look like a watermelon."
Danielle "Oh dude, I hate watermelons. I like had a totally bad experience with watermelons. Like you have no idea."
Is this what you guys have been dealing with everyday?? How are you not brain dead?
From: James
To: Lindsay
Subject: FW: Holy crap
Here's an example.
From: Lindsay
To: James
Subject: RE: Holy crap
I cant believe that she is even alive. How has she not been slaughtered yet? I think that we should just do it for her, she NEEDS to die!!!
From: James
To: Lindsay
Subject: RE: Holy crap
Let's put something shiny out in the middle of the street.
From: Lindsay
To: James
Subject: RE: Holy crap
K, as long as it doesn't look like a watermelon cause she had a bad experience with them... A TOTALLY bad experience.....
From: James
To: Lindsay
Subject: RE: Holy crap
I'd ask her what the experience was but I don't want to talk to her
From: Lindsay
To: James
Subject: RE: Holy crap
Dang it you should ask her bút im kinda scaref to find out What it might be árent you?
From: James
To: Lindsay
Subject: RE: Holy crap
It's not so much that I'm scared of what it might be; it's that I think I get dumber every time she talks and I'd like to remain smart enough to at least clothe myself. I had to buy loafers because I can't tie my own shoes anymore so I really can't afford to get any dumber.
From: Lindsay
To: James
Subject: RE: Holy crap
You are really amazing! I love you and i want to have rough and vicious sex with you right now!
From: James
To: Lindsay
Subject: RE: Holy crap
See me after class, miss.
From: Lindsay
To: James
Subject: RE: Holy crap
Um yeah angel just read that soooo yeah you might be getting a phone call...but that's what you get for cheating on me with a jap!!
7/10/2008
From: James
To: Lindsay
Subject: Hi
Nick says you don't want anyone to call you. That include me? If not, you should call me when/if you get home tonight.
From: Lindsay
To: James
Subject: RE: Hi
Ok I'm going to its not like that but I just don't want to talk to anybody I think that what Matt did was wrong and I deserve an apology for that but he won't I'm sure and that just kinda hurts more than anything but I'm not upset with any of you and I love you to death so relay the message please love ya!
From: Lindsay
To: James
Subject: RE: Hi
Happy birthday by the way
From: James
To: Lindsay
Subject: RE: Hi
Thanks
From: Lindsay
To: James
Subject: RE: Hi
So are you coming over tonite? Angel will be here.....
From: James
To: Lindsay
Subject: RE: Hi
Planning on it
From: Lindsay
To: James
Subject: RE: Hi
I want us to have a nite to ourselves but oh well maybe angel will be fine with including me LOL
From: James
To: Lindsay
Subject: RE: Hi
It is my birthday after all
From: Lindsay
To: James
Subject: RE: Hi
Yes it is well Ill call you when I hey home and back from my trip
Entry 32: 02-12-2009, 10:26 AM
9/9/2008
From: Lindsay
To: James
Subject: You and me getting dirty tonight
Hello there i miss you i miss you i miss you!!!! So sexy beast what am i cleaning when i get to your house?? And what are we drinking while i do this??
From: James
To: Lindsay
Subject: RE: You and me getting dirty tonight
Eh tonight wouldn't be good for cleaning because I have parts everywhere but we can do other stuff.
And this is exciting: you don't have to refer to me as your ex-coworker anymore.
From: Lindsay
To: James
Subject: RE: You and me getting dirty tonight
Yes thats right but i am now refering to you as my bid daddy!!!! lol
From: James
To: Lindsay
Subject: RE: You and me getting dirty tonight
So what are you telling people? So our stories are the same.
From: Lindsay
To: James
Subject: RE: You and me getting dirty tonight
Well during work hours you are my hubby and after work hours youare my sex slave LOL
and what are we doing tonite
From: James
To: Lindsay
Subject: RE: You and me getting dirty tonight
Each other?
From: Lindsay
To: James
Subject: RE: You and me getting dirty tonight
Well ok but other than that what?
From: James
To: Lindsay
Subject: RE: You and me getting dirty tonight
I'd rather not go out. I've got a stocket liquor cabinet and I'm picking up a pizza.
From: Lindsay
To: James
Subject: RE: You and me getting dirty tonight
Okay but what are we doing
From: James
To: Lindsay
Subject: RE: You and me getting dirty tonight
We're eating pizza and getting drunk. Then we're gonna drive around blasting offensive music and yelling at old people for not being in touch with today's youth. Then we'll steal a golf cart and set it on fire for no good reason. And put someone's dog in a trash bag and beat it with a pipe for a while. And then maybe we'll play uno.
From: Lindsay
To: James
Subject: RE: You and me getting dirty tonight
Yeah i'm sure we will think of something when we are drunk so i shall see you at 5
9/12/2008
From: James
To: Lindsay
Subject: hi
Feeling better? And what happened last night?
From: Lindsay
To: James
Subject: RE: hi
yes i feel alot better. and i just punched him again while you were on the phone and then proceeded to choke him and then i pimp slapped him.... lol i pretty much just beat him up, and then my mom got on the phone with him and threatened him as well... it was great, and i MADE him watch the video of us at froggers, so he would believe me.......... and then i fell asleep with kaden on the couch. thats it thats all, im going to go there when i get off though and tell him that i need some space and i am going to go stay at nikkis for a couple of days so maybe he will think about what he did.
From: James
To: Lindsay
Subject: RE: hi
Oh, I was wondering what that noise was. That's awesome. Yeah, I don't get why he's fine with you going out and spending the night with me but he flips out when he hears that you were with someone else. At least you have video proof. How do you present that, by the way? I'm guessing you didn't say, "See? I was cheating on you with James, not the other guy!"
From: Lindsay
To: James
Subject: RE: hi
Yes i was wishing you were here you definitely would have been proud...and yeah he has no problem with you cause i told him many times i would leave him if he said you and me can't hang out hes never asked if we do anything but yeah he went nuts when that bitch told him i was with nikki's cousin lol oh well. i just hate being accused of that ****. so do you want to come over to nikki's tonite and drink?
From: James
To: Lindsay
Subject: RE: hi
You actually want to drink that soon after getting that trashed?
From: Lindsay
To: James
Subject: RE: hi
No but you can drink so i can take advantage LOL!!
From: James
To: Lindsay
Subject: RE: hi
Should we get it on video for Brandon?
From: Lindsay
To: James
Subject: RE: hi
Yes thats a good idea cause you never know he might say i cheated on him with nikki
From: James
To: Lindsay
Subject: RE: hi
That would be hot if Nikki weighed like 30 lbs less and wasn't a dirty bitch.
From: Lindsay
To: James
Subject: RE: hi
She ate my twat once when we were in highschool she was hot then
From: James
To: Lindsay
Subject: RE: hi
Steve just asked me why I haven't gotten any work done today and I showed him that email as my reason. He understands.
From: Lindsay
To: James
Subject: RE: hi
Glad I could help
9/15/2008
From: Lindsay
To: James
Subject:
so how is your day so far??? I told nick to put me out here as much as he wants since i am trying to fight for apk manager....... i have been staying at my moms not sure how much longer she will let me slide with that but i will probably not go home..... and i havent talked to any of my friends because they are all crap and i really dont need to anyways..... thats why i want to go back to my moms so i can ignore everyone and worry about my job....... what do you think
From: James
To: Lindsay
Subject: RE:
Hey, very busy. Just now started to slow down. Pretty sure you've got Apopka but I can use my influence to give you a little help if you want. And I thought your mom said you couldn't stay there? I can put you up for a little while if she boots you out but I don't know how long that could last.
From: Lindsay
To: James
Subject: RE:
i know and i thank you so much for you being such a great friend i really dont know what i would do with out you right now,......... im so confused about my friends and dont even want to call them my friends, i guess it more or less just hurts cause i have always thought that the wrong people are the ones that are there for me and they're not. but ohwell i just want to move on and show nick and matt that i want this..... i THINK i can do it so im going to try..... but yeah not sure when moms going to catch on that i actually have been staying there for a while and eating her food and using her facilities..... probably real soon.....
From: James
To: Lindsay
Subject: RE:
Oh, where have you been sleeping? And yeah you can do it. You managed MD for 4 months and it's insane compared to Apopka and they know that. They're just making it out to be a big deal because they're pissed that you quit. Don't stress over it.
From: Lindsay
To: James
Subject: RE:
Wherever..... at amber's, nikki's, billie's..... thank you for the supporting words i really need that right now. would it be ok if i stayed over at your house some nite?
From: James
To: Lindsay
Subject: RE:
Sure.
From: Lindsay
To: James
Subject: RE:
I seriously love you so much. So i will see you tonite is that ok?
From: James
To: Lindsay
Subject: RE:
Umm tonight isn't good for me. I mean if you're going to be sleeping in your car or something then yeah come over but otherwise tonight's not good.
From: Lindsay
To: James
Subject: RE:
No i'm sure i can stay somewhere. what are you doing tonight?
From: James
To: Lindsay
Subject: RE:
Shelby if all goes well. But like I said, if you can't stay somewhere else go ahead and come over. Just call first.
From: Lindsay
To: James
Subject: RE:
Oh ok well have fun but isnt she under 18?? ...............
From: James
To: Lindsay
Subject: RE:
Nope. She actually called me at 12:01 am to tell me she's legal now.
From: Lindsay
To: James
Subject: RE:
Well thats cool i don't like her but whatever makes you happy......
From: James
To: Lindsay
Subject: RE:
You would lick her *******.
From: Lindsay
To: James
Subject: RE:
No i don't think i would she has kind of a man face
From: James
To: Lindsay
Subject: RE:
I can't even conjure a mental image of her face because I'm never looking at it. She was just in here a while ago and asked if she could sit down in your chair. I didn't know what she was talking about but I said sure, and she sat in my lap.
From: Lindsay
To: James
Subject: RE:
Well at least the whore knows its mine!!! **** apopka i'm coming back to md and keeping skanks out of my chair!!!
9/17/2008
From: Lindsay
To: James
Subject:
Hello there my love!!!!! Hows MD?
From: James
To: Lindsay
Subject: RE:
Good morning, beautiful. Well it is slow which is good because I am very tired. I couldn't sleep so I took some tylennol PMs and I slept through my alarm for like 45 minutes. To keep myself awake I'm trying to decide what I want from Outback tonight. Steve's a huge jewbag and picked the most expensive thing on the menu, and we have a $50 limit for the 3 of us so I think I'm stuck with water and a blooming onion.
From: Lindsay
To: James
Subject: RE:
you are to funny and awww thanks for saying that im beautiful, it made me feel all tingly inside!!! yeah steve is a jewbag and he would do something like that....... well at least you get a blooming onion.... and water thats always the best!!! LOL!! so do you think i should really show up there???? i think it would be really funny
From: James
To: Lindsay
Subject: RE:
Well if you do I will try to save you some food. Steve doesn't eat much but Nick devours all so I'll have to guard it with a steak knife. And I'm glad I could make you feel tingly but there are more fun ways to do that.
From: Lindsay
To: James
Subject: RE:
yeah i know steve is a crackhead and yeah nick is a fat ass... so yeah..... and yeah i was just in the back playing with myself while thinking about you and then shaina walked in so yeah that was awkward
From: James
To: Lindsay
Subject: RE:
Wow
From: Lindsay
To: James
Subject: RE:
Wow what was that too much for you to handle???
From: James
To: Lindsay
Subject: RE:
I mean the Shaina walking in on you part.
9/18/2008
From: Lindsay
To: James
Subject: hello
It is so busy up here!!! How are things in the tech room?
From: James
To: Lindsay
Subject: RE: hello
I told Denise I was gonna cockslap her if she wasn't nice to you today.
From: James
To: Lindsay
Subject: RE: hello
And I've been meaning to ask this discreetly...so, what exactly did Shaina see? I mean, was it obvious what you were doing? Hand down the pants or..
From: Lindsay
To: James
Subject: RE: hello
No my pants were to my ankles and she opened the back door when i was licking my finger to go for another round it was very weird....LOL no i had one leg on the table and i got up before she stuck her head in the office....so what do you wanna do either 2 nite or tomorrow?
From: James
To: Lindsay
Subject: RE: hello
What do you want to do?
From: Lindsay
To: James
Subject: RE: hello
i want to get an id again so i can get wasted and then we can go to walmart and but some sharpies, talk to the bearded man and then drive around drunk and then we will probably pass out.... LOL j/k
From: Lindsay
To: James
Subject: RE: hello
can you please please please go pick up my new phone from eus im never gonna get out of here...
From: James
To: Lindsay
Subject: RE: hello
Get Tiffany to do it when she gets off.
From: Lindsay
To: James
Subject: RE: hello
I asked she made up some bs please please i will rub my head on your penis
From: James
To: Lindsay
Subject: RE: hello
Just another example of you not knowing how to give head
From: Lindsay
To: James
Subject: RE: hello
well i can't exactly suck ur dick at work now can i?? but if you stay at ur desk and pull it out ill come back and act like i dropped something and lick it LOL
From: James
To: Lindsay
Subject: RE: hello
I see you've mastered the art of ninja penis licking, but Steve's gonna notice me pulling my piece so I'd rather not do that right now. But thanks, though.
From: Lindsay
To: James
Subject: RE: hello
go to the bathroom ill come in there after a min then you leave 1 or 2 mins after i do...i wont stay long so if yopu don't finish sorry but to bad!! so think of shelby's ass LOL!!
From: James
To: Lindsay
Subject: RE: hello
Going now.
Entry 33: 02-15-2009, 04:21 PM
I'm posting in a thread that demands conversation logs, and all I can offer are words arranged in story-type fashion. :(
She's been weird with me lately. Again. I thought I smoothed things over after the marriage proposal, but after a brief period of things being normal she started being distant again.
When things are good between us, she's very open with me. Too open, actually. She's also very clingy. I've had girlfriends that required a lot less attention. We talk **** constantly and try to push each other's buttons, but there's never any real animosity. I don't think we've ever had a fight - at least not one that I couldn't blame on hormones.
When things aren't good, she's friendly, respectful and thoughtful, but she stays away. She'll do little favors for me without me asking and she'll call me to tell me she did it. Stuff like making my bed, ironing my shirts, picking up something for dinner because she won't be home to cook, etc. And she'll be polite, which is very strange for her. But that's the only time she'll talk to me. She stays at her mother's or grandmother's, or if she does come home she stays in her room. I try to get her to do something and she makes up a really lame excuse, like she wants me to know that she doesn't want to without actually telling me so. It sounds good on paper, but in real life it's goddamned eerie.
Last time she was like this, I figured my response to the marriage proposal was to blame, so I confronted her and we worked it out. Now, I have no clue what I did. I asked her what's up and she said everything's cool in a completely unconvincing way. So I gave up and tried to enjoy the niceness. Then she stopped talking to me almost completely. And she stopped doing the dishes. ****.
The only thing I can think of was me bringing up our mutual friend one day: Angel. That's the chick we had a threesome with. Long story short: Angel and Lindsay were good friends. Angel and I started messing around. Lindsay had feelings for me and got jealous. Lindsay and Angel stopped being friends. Angel and I stopped messing around. Angel started stalking me. Haven't heard from her since September. But a friend who works at the place we all used to work at called me saying she was there asking where I moved to, which is a bit unsettling because she doesn't talk to anyone that I know of who would know that I moved, which means that she's probably been out to my house at night several times and noticed my car gone. Wouldn't really surprise me because she's a crazy bitch and she used to sit outside my house for hours at a time. I told Lindsay, Lindsay asked what I'd do if she tracked me down, I said I'd try to **** the crazy out of her.
So, this past week we haven't spoken a word to each other and I've just been waiting for her to tell me that she's moving out. She called a couple times Friday, I didn't answer. She sent a few texts, I didn't bother reading them until a few hours later. She was telling me to call her. I didn't.
Around 9:30 that night I saw the headlights from her car outside my window. I expected yelling, crying, her delivering her moving out speech, knife being pulled - something like that. Instead, she came in and asked if I was hungry. I paused for a second, wondering what she meant by that. Is she going to throw food at me? Did she burn all our groceries? What nefarious act could this evil bitch be planning? And what response does she expect? It's late, so she's probably counting on me having already eaten and is expecting a no. But she knows me pretty well, and even if I weren't hungry I'd be wondering what she brought me, so I'd probably say yes. I went with a confident 'no' with one squinted eye, as if to say, "I'm on to you, you dirty, scheming ****! HA HA!"
"Aw, I wanted to make dinner." Again, suspicion: was she going to make me a turd sandwich? A turd salad? Turd à la mode? But then she continued to explain that she bought stuff to make a Greek salad and something else I forget, and that she hadn't seen much of me lately so she wanted to have dinner with me. LIES! I thought. It's going on 10 PM. This is her being a passive aggressive bitch. Then she sat on the couch talking about stupid **** while stuffing her face with the last of my chocolate chip Eggos.
I don't know what she was talking about because I was busy engaging in battle with my ferret, but she got up to put her kid to bed and she said she'd be back down to talk to me. Wasn't sure what to expect there. She didn't come back down until 11:30, wearing a thong and a t-shirt. Oh. But then she just said she was tired and was going to sleep. Oh..kay. She continued talking to me as she walked out of the room, about what she was doing tomorrow, etc., so I got up and followed her to the stairs. She gave me a hug, I grabbed her ass. She said I wasn't getting it but I could watch it as she walked up the stairs. I did.
Yesterday morning she woke me up by mounting me.
Morning angry prego sex. I felt kind of violated afterwards, but it was pretty good. No words spoken until the end; she said "good morning" while nibbling on my ear. She was ready to go again when I got out of the shower but I had to go to work. She asked me to come home tonight so we could have dinner together. I figured, what the hell, why not? I have two other potential Valentine's night prospects - one's married and the other has a fiancé. Not that that matters to me, but juggling multiple partners on Valentine's day is a task I'm not going to trust a woman with.
So I made up excuses and preemptively canceled would-be dates so I could spend the night with my bloated friend. I picked up some necessities on the way home: chocolate, rubbers, warming lube. But I left the chocolate in the car because she'd just eat it all in one sitting and then wouldn't want to do anything. She wasn't there so I called to see when she was getting home. No answer. Called again an hour later. No answer again. I sent a text asking where she was. Didn't hear anything back until around 9:30. "happy v day" What a ****. I probably could have had success with a co-worker I flirt with occasionally, but I didn't try. I just sat on the couch watching a movie, popping pills and getting drunk. In retrospect, The Deer Hunter probably wasn't the best choice of movies. I don't know when I passed out.
I was awakened this morning by the sound of someone opening my ferret's cage and scooping food out of the bag. I hung my head over the back of the couch and saw my roommate walking on the ceiling. At first I was frightened, but then I remembered that it was my head that was upside-down, not her. No need to call a priest. She noticed that I was awake and cheerily explained why she didn't come home last night. Something about her friend from Jacksonville. I dunno. I didn't say anything. I just got up and started heading for my bedroom so I could go back to sleep, but she blocked my path and shoved me hard, and suddenly I was on the floor looking up at the ceiling, and her standing over me laughing her ass off. This is it, I thought. She's finally going to do it. In my weakened, groggy state, she's going to kill me while laughing maniacally. Then who will update this thread?
She helped me up and said she didn't think I would fall over. I was starting to get my bearings and I was going to ask her where the **** she was last night, but she was giving me that look. It basically reads thusly: "I'm sorry. I've been bad. Please punish me with your penis." If I were that suave mother****er AnAlbinoAligator I could resist that request, but I guess I don't have a reputation to uphold. So, punish her I certainly did.
An hour later we're lying on my bed, the matress bare with sheets, pillows and the comforter surrounding it on the floor, the lamp lying on its side on my end table and clothes lost to obscurity when I hear her kid's voice crescendoing as she cried for her mother. She quickly bolted up, wrapped herself with a sheet and hurried out of the room. I sat there for a while before I started getting dressed, wondering how many times her kid's seen her do the walk of shame. I was putting my shoes on when I heard the front door close, and I thought, what the ****? She's seriously just going to leave without saying anything? I feel like the chick in this relationship. But then she came back in and asked for the keys to my car. I asked why. "Oh, I saw you had candy in your car...and I want it." Fatass.
Entry 34: 02-19-2009, 11:41 PM
Good Internet, gents. I have lots of texts but, alas, nothing really worth posting. That may change soon, or I may have nothing to post on the subject ever again. It's pretty much fifty-fifty at this point.
I'm feeling strange today, in a good way. I guess the best way to describe it is untouchable. I feel ****ing untouchable. It's like I'm Peter in Office Space, waking up one morning and suddenly unable to imagine how I could ever worry about anything. Life is ones and zeroes. Do or don't; can or can't; will or won't; shall or shan't. The last pair of antonyms was a bit gratuitous but that's the kind of mood I'm in; I'll use ABAB rhyme scheme in the middle of a paragraph and be like, yeah. I just did that. Bitch.
I ran the shop by myself today. It was slammed and people were really pissed off about a variety of things. Didn't phase me at all. The worst of them even bought me lunch for acting so cool about everything. One of my coworkers over in the sales side came over to ask what was up with the guy screaming about some phone-related thing. I hadn't noticed. Got two girls' numbers without trying. I can't remember what the second one looked like, but I figure that if she's an uggo I can just tell her that she's going to have to work for it and maybe I can get a used dryer out of the deal or something. Hell yeah.
I'm not sure why I'm in this mood. I know what triggered it, but I think I should be ****ing pissed, or depressed, or helplessly confused or even just a little annoyed. Instead, I'm feeling pretty damn good. I keep getting distracted thinking about things I'd rather be doing right now other than typing this post, like calling one of these numbers...and then several possibilities play themselves out in my head, none of which being undesirable though I feel some of them would have been if they occurred to me yesterday. Normally I may try to psychoanalyze myself and make some attempt at self-discovery, for something to think about if for nothing else, but my fascination this time doesn't come packaged with urgency to craft uneducated theories - only this post. And I kind of want some sort of pasta...but this could be purely coincidental, and hopefully not a symptom of sympathetic pregnancy. At this point, though, I don't believe myself capable of sympathy for my swollen roommate, so I don't think that's the case. Oh yeah, speaking of her..
It had occurred to me that the sex meant nothing. She's felt something for me for a long time and is pretty much always horny. Add hormones that belong in padded cells and you get a girl that just needed my cock more than she could stand, so she took it. Not that I minded, what with being equipped with a penis and all. I wouldn't say that it does a lot of my thinking for me, but it definitely makes some of those tough decisions a lot easier to make. I actually prefer it that way. I'd be lying if I said I felt nothing for her prior to today, but if I wanted to be with her I would've taken one of the many opportunities to do so. But, by the way that she acted the next few days, I gathered that it wasn't just spontaneous friend sex. She was texting me all day about nothing, calling me presumably just to hear me talk, bringing me lunch at work and lingering long enough to lead my coworkers on to the possibility that I may be lying about not knowing that crazy pregnant bitch.
I ate it up. I don't know why. I didn't when she was this way before, when we first started to hang out and she admitted to having "an intense crush" on me. Even when I started getting attached I kept her at arm's length, mainly because I'd actually be surprised whenever I'd meet a guy who knew her and hadn't ****ed her. I completely lost any extra-friendly interest in her when she found out she was pregnant. So why I started doing the couple thing with her this time, I've no clue. I guess it was because it didn't seem like much of a jump. We already live together. We get along really well. We spend a lot of time together. We each felt like we were practically a couple already. We just sleep with other people instead of each other. After changing that last fact suddenly I found myself actually reconsidering my answer to her proposal. At least briefly. When I was buzzing. Sort-of.
Yesterday she said she'd be home when I got off. That changed to 9. Then that changed to 11; she said she'd be hanging out with one of her girlfriends. I told her that I'd be going out and that I'd probably be staying over at my brother's, then. Around 8 she called to tell me that she was taking Robert to his mom's house, which is down the road a bit from our place, and that he'd be hanging out at the house for an hour or two until his mom got home late tonight. Robert's her piece-of-**** ex (the one before the baby's dad) and current "friend." I was pretty sure they'd still been sleeping together on occasion, but I never cared to ask because I didn't really want to know. That bothered me, but I figured that, if she had something in mind, she wouldn't have called to tell me he would be there, especially knowing that I wouldn't be home to know anything had transpired. But when I showed up at 11:30 he was still there, sitting with her on the couch watching some movie. Neither of them said a word when I walked in. They seemed pretty uncomfortable. Hmm.
I was in my room when she poked her head in to say goodnight. I was thinking she didn't want to do anything with the idiot in the next room over, sleeping on the couch. I heard her walk up the stairs to her room. I assumed some of the noises my ferret makes all goddamned night were from the troglodyte rustling around on the couch. All suspicion was silenced by my thinking that she was way too into me to do anything like that. In my house. While I'm home. So, you can imagine my surprise when I woke up early this morning to see an empty couch. But even then - maybe he walked to his mother's during the night, I thought as I walked past the living room. Maybe he's outside smoking, as I walked past the kitchen. Maybe he's upstairs sleeping with my whateversheis, as I walked past the base of the staircase and heard "Oh ****, I think he's up."
BRB GOING TO SUBWAY
K
I paused, and I waited for it. I waited for the anger and the adrenaline that would send me rushing up the staircase without conscious decision to do so. I waited to come out of a blackout in the middle of smashing his face through a wall. I waited for the chance to send him crashing through the window so he'd land on the windshield of her car. Two for one. But it didn't come. And the damndest thing: I could not stop smiling.
I went into the bathroom and whistled while I pissed, which is something I don't recall ever doing before. They were still upstairs when I came out fifteen minutes later. I was reading the news on my phone when she came down the stairs and started talking to me like nothing had happened. "It's a ****ty day out. Looks like it's gonna rain." I thought that I might snap. Every negative word I've ever thought about her was arranged eloquently on the tip of my tongue, but I wasn't angry. I smiled and said that we needed rain so I could make use of an offer from a lawncare company that expires in thirty days for 50% off on mowing. I'm not sure how much they charge normally (aside from 100%) but that's a pretty spiffy offer when you live on five acres. Her nervousness seemed to evaporate as she continued on about her plans for the day. I think I walked out the door in the middle of it. Forgot she was talking.
She called and texted a few times throughout the day. I didn't even take my phone out of its case. Normally I can find time to text her back, and there've been times where I just didn't want to talk to her so I didn't even bother reading them. But that wasn't the case here. I didn't care one way or the other; it just wasn't convenient for me to check my phone and answer her texts. And as I kept noticing these abrupt -- while some slight -- changes in my behavior throughout the day in regards to her, I just kept feeling better. She came in shortly before closing when things had finally slowed down. There was no dismay at seeing her, nor excitement, nor surprise. It was just like seeing any other person whose face I recognized but otherwise didn't think much of. I don't even remember what she was talking about. I was busy reading through ston3rpimp69's posts trying to find a better quote than the one that's in my sig, but dt already stole it.
I guess it's because I really didn't want a relationship with her, and I damn sure don't want to get married. I don't know if I feel anything at all for her anymore - not even the bitterness that went along with the feelings I had for her. I'm not exactly sure where we are right now or what she thinks we are, and I don't particularly care. I don't find myself sympathizing with her and her condition/situation anymore so I don't see myself having a problem with putting her out on her ass should anything happen to provoke that. Her having the figurative balls to do what she did I suppose just lifted all that off of me, and it's a great ****ing feeling.
Thought I'd share.
Entry 35: 02-28-2009, 02:42 PM
We've had some pretty interesting text conversations but the only one that was funny was when she was texting me from upstairs one night, literally begging for my dick. Unfortunately I forgot about it and deleted all my messages. Oops. BUT! She swapped back to her Blackberry so I can once again post up conversations in seconds instead of having to email and paste every individual message (or just typing it myself), which is a pain in my ass and one of the reasons I haven't been posting much.
I don't have anything yet because she just swapped back less than an hour ago, but, for those who are interested in this soap opera, here's a summary of what's been going on between my last story and now:
She apparently thinks I'm an idiot and has been acting as if she hasn't been ****ing anyone else. I can only guess it's because she thinks I'd be beyond pissed if I knew, so me not caring is me not knowing. That's fine. In the words of my late grandfather: "If you've got a dumb turkey, keep [her] dumb."
I haven't touched her since then and I haven't been home much. I don't have much to say to her so our phone conversations are short (if I answer) and my responses to her texts are usually blunt. When we talk face-to-face I'm civil but I just make small talk. I tend to zone out when she's talking. There've been a few times where she hinted that she wanted something or wanted to do something and I didn't realize it until later. It's like my sub-conscious is getting my back and making me ignore her. It's awesome.
She's in a kind of panic mode. I don't know if it's because she feels guilty or if it's because she just wants her friend back, but I'm enjoying it. She has been home every night to make me dinner on the off chance that I'll be there to appreciate it, and she offers to bring me lunch at work every day. The house is spotless. While she was here swapping her phone she offered to clean my car inside and out. Now may be a good time to start cashing in those blowjobs she owes me. She usually gives lousy head because she hates doing it, but now she might actually put some effort into it.
And the dumbass forgot to wipe her old phone before giving it to me. I just got done reading through her texts. She's asking Robert to come over and **** her while I'm at work (and what's hilarious is that she has to practically beg him, too), she's still ****ing the baby's dad even though she tells me that she hates him and doesn't talk to him anymore, and she's mad at her friend for ****ing some guy she was trying to hook up with. And her best friend talks a lot of **** about me despite being really nice in person, but I already figured that.
I'm just glad I strapped my ****.
Entry 36: 03-04-2009, 12:58 AM
Crack Gladiator
Lindsay: Hey where are u
James: Out
Lindsay: When will u b home
James: Idk
Lindsay: Well dinner is on the stove for u I'm going to bed soon
Lindsay: Chic and yellow rice and there's salad too
James: K
Lindsay: Where are u
Lindsay: I know out but where
James: Alterac valley
Lindsay: Where is that
James: North of hillsbrad
Lindsay: I don't know where that is either lol
Lindsay: What are u doing there
James: Afking bgs
Lindsay: Are u drunk
James: Gotta get gear get gold get gladiator get bitches
James: If I told you I made glad in s5 with a troll priest partner would you want to **** me
Lindsay: Um did you take something lol u are sounding crazy
James: Yeah I know lock priest sucks now but I think we can pull it off
James: I'll see you on the tournament realm bitch then we'll see who's crazy
Lindsay: Yeah well ok ill talk to u in the morning when the crack wears off
James: My crack buff is permanent
Game Face
Lindsay: What are u doing tonite
James: Idk why
Lindsay: Just asking
Lindsay: Dinner is on the stove when u get home ill be home later
(This means she was wanting to know if I'd be home because she wanted to invite her ****buddy over. Since I didn't give her an answer that satisfied her, she's going over to his place, instead.)
Lindsay: So what can I do to get u to loan me money til next friday
James: Lol
Lindsay: Well I was gonna ask for 100 cause I could pay that back easily on fri but if u can't do that then whatever and what are u typing right now
James: Wasn't typing anything
Lindsay: It said u were and u are now
Lindsay: So can I get that
James: Who are you going to believe - me or your lying phone?
Lindsay: Oh u of course well are u going to loan me the 100 or no
James: Why do you need it
Lindsay: Cause all I have is 15 and I want to go to the beach I need a new swimsuit cause my boobs are too big for the ones I have and I need gas and yeah
Lindsay: Well?
James: Ghostly pale pregnant women are not allowed to wear bikinis on the beach
James: Denied
Lindsay: Ill kill u
Lindsay: And amber wants to go to the flea market tomm and I want to go with her and take kk but it will suck with no money
James: The dirt mall sucks period but speaking of sucking..
Lindsay: Yeah we will talk about that later so will u loan me that
James: Depends
Lindsay: K well ill be home in 30 min
James: I'll be there around 12
Lindsay: Ill be asleep by then but ok
James: Not if you want your money
Lindsay: I hate u so much
James: On my way
James: Get your game face on
See You In Twenty
Lindsay: So how's work
James: Zzzzz
Lindsay: Wow at least its not a hard day there by urself
Lindsay: Well I went to the flea market I hat to get a stroller cause someone ate hers I guess and then she pissed on herself and the new stroller how awesome
Lindsay: But I also got this really cute irish ring and new lip studs cause I lost mine
James: The stroller is in my trunk
James: Pretty sure I didn't eat it but who knows really
Lindsay: Omg I thought my mom lost it we got in this huge fight I cussed her out
Lindsay: Don't tell her u have it I want her to think she lost it
James: Where's my lunch
Lindsay: I'm leaving now sorry I thought u had already eaten
Lindsay: What are u doin tonite
James: Don't worry about it Shelby's bringing me something
James: And idk what I'm doing tonight
Lindsay: Oh well think and tell me
James: Why are you asking
Lindsay: I wanna know what ur doing cause I might ask my mom to watch kk so was gonna see if u wanted to do something
James: Your messages are summoning nasty fat bitches
James: Every time you send something, one shows up
James: So stop it
Lindsay: I'm sorry about that but do u want to do something with me tonite yesd no mayb
James: What do you want to do
Lindsay: I don't know let me ask my mom first and then ill tell u
(Here I'm expecting her to tell me that her mom won't watch her kid, because the only reason she asked me to hang out is because she couldn't think of a better reason to ask what I was doing. She called me a few minutes later. I don't remember what it was about but she tried changing the subject when I asked if she had talked to her mom yet. I didn't want to hang out but ****ing with her is a lot of fun.)
Lindsay: K she says she will watch kaden so I guess we can get dinner or something
James: I thought it was hard to get your mom to watch her anymore, how'd you get her to do it
Lindsay: Yeah I got lucky she won't watch her for long thoughj
James: I think your mom loves me more than she loves you so if you just tell her it's for me she'll do it
Lindsay: I know that's y she said yes
James: Did you have a place in mind
Lindsay: Not sure maybe one of the restaurants at the mission inn but we can go wherever u want
James: That'd be fine
Lindsay: K well ill come to ur work at 6 and we can leave ur car there is that ok
James: Yeah
Lindsay: Good cause u are getting drunk tonite I will drive u
James: No I'm not
Lindsay: Yes u are dammit I want u to get drunk
James: Are you going to take advantage of me
Lindsay: Maybe but I just haven't seen u drunk in a while and I can't drink so I want to watch u get wasted so I can laugh at u it will b fun
James: Fine
Lindsay: What did shelby bring u
James: Chicken sandwich and a shake
Lindsay: Do u hang out with her ne more
James: Haven't in a while
Lindsay: So she just brings u lunch sometimes
James: Why are you suddenly so interested in shelby
James: Are you jealous?
Lindsay: No I'm just asking
James: Do you want to be my one and only lunch bitch
James: I don't know if I'm ready for that kind of commitment
Lindsay: Yes I'm heartbroken james
James: I was hungry and you were off being pregnant somewhere and if I'm not getting it from you I'll find someone else
Lindsay: Shut up ill c u in 20min
James: C u n t
Lindsay: Wtf don't call me a **** what did I do
James: I was just noticing the last part of your sentence c u in twenty
Lindsay: Oh lol I didn't see that that's funny
James: Yeah and I spread it out so it matches yours
Lindsay: Huh?
James: Nothin see you soon
On a Boat Like Leo
Lindsay: Where r u at
James: I'm on a boat
Lindsay: Oh did u go fishing
James: Nope just bustin 5 knots wind whippin at my coat
James: You can't stop me mother****er cuz I'm on a boat
Lindsay: Ok well I can't find my straightener so I'm going back out to the house to look for it. It is supposed to rain a bit and it is supposed to get colder so yeah I dressed all wrong
James: I got my swim trunks
James: And my flippy floppies
Lindsay: Aren't u cold and where the hell r u on a boat at
James: Gonna fly this boat to the moon somehow
Lindsay: Well it is not a good day to wash ur car so I will have someone bring me up to ur work tomorrow and ill bring it back beautiful yay!!
James: **** that car I'm on a boat mother****er
James: **** trees I climb buoys mother****er
Lindsay: So u don't want me to wash ur car???
James: I'm on the deck with my boys mother****er
James: The boat engine makes noise mother****er
Lindsay: Shut the **** up about boats and stop calling me a mother****ere
James: This boat is real
Lindsay: Did u go buy that stuff yet
James: No
Lindsay: Well do it
James: **** that
James: This ain't seaworld this is real as it gets
James: I'm on a boat mother****er don't you ever forget
James: And do you need anything from walmart while I'm there
Lindsay: I'm going to ****ing kill u and ummmmm yeah everything bras underwear food makeup and yeah
James: Well too bad cuz I'm on a boat bitch
James: I think I just need a hose
Lindsay: U are not on a boat
Lindsay: We can use my gmas hose
Lindsay: Get some leather cleaner
James: I got a hose anyway sup
Lindsay: Are u still at walmart
Lindsay: Cause I need a battery for my keyless entry do u think they would have it its a 2032
James: No I went to ace then the auto parts place next to it
James: And now I'm home
James: So **** you
Lindsay: K well maybe ill go get it later and u could go with me if ya want and no f u
James: Why would I do that
Lindsay: U can get drunk first and walk around hitting on the old ladies there again lol
James: She looked just like bea arthur
Lindsay: I don't know who that is but yeah we can do that
Lindsay: Hey I'm home when r u gonna b here
James: Never
Lindsay: Well I want pizza
James: So get one
Lindsay: I don't have ne money
James: That's a sad story
Lindsay: Ill call in the order u go pick it up
James: Don't tell me what to do
Lindsay: James I have been craving pizza all day don't u ****ing try me
James: I won't be home until about 11
Lindsay: Where r u
James: I'm on a boat
Lindsay: No ur not shut up about the boat
James: Take a good hard look at the mother****ing boat
Lindsay: Fine send a pic of u on this boat
System message: File sent: BOAT.jpg
Lindsay: What is that that's not a boat
James: Not with that attitude it's not
Lindsay: Whatever so are u bringing a pizza
James: No
Lindsay: I don't want to cook ****ing dammit
James: Make panakes
Lindsay: What no
James: I want pancakes
Lindsay: I don't care I'm not making pancakes so either bring home a pizza right now or stay on ur imaginarty boat
James: Are your nipples still leaking
Lindsay: Um sometimes y
James: That's nasty
Lindsay: Yeah thanks james
Entry 37: 03-13-2009, 04:02 PM
A Few of My Favorite Things:
Lindsay: Omg I got so freaked out last nite I tried callin u but couldn't get serv
Lindsay: I swear this house is haunted
James: Do you want me to call a priest
James: I know one
James: He's a stupid troll and he makes funny noises when he falls off of stuff or gets crit
James: But he rides around on a racially pure raptor
Lindsay: Mayb but I heard keys or chains rattling it sounded like I thought it was u so I came down stairs and no1 was here and I didn't hear it ne mre so I went back up and heard it again and there was no1 ther again so yeah ghosts!!
James: I think I left the bell collar on the ferret so you probably heard that
James: But it definitely could be ghosts
James: Call the police just to be sure
Lindsay: I am serious I was scared that's y all the lights were on when u got home lol
James: No they weren't
Lindsay: Yeah I left them all on
James: Nope just the outside light
Lindsay: R u playing with me cause that's not funny
James: No that was the only light that was on when I got home last night
James: And they were working this morning
Lindsay: I'm not saying there alone ever again then so u call me when u r on ur way home tonite I won't be there before then
James: If I come home tonight it won't be until after 12 so I guess you're staying at your mom's
Lindsay: Fine I will
James: And can you do something about kaden drawing pentagrams on my bedroom walls please
James: They'll probably wash off but she needs to stop that
Lindsay: What r u talking about she hasn't even been near ur room
Lindsay: U are messing with me
James: Well someone has been doing it, I assumed it was her
Lindsay: Shut up james
James: Ok
Lindsay: So ne ways yeah I want a chic sandwich from hardees don't u want one
James: Are you bringing me lunch
Lindsay: Yeah u have to give me money tho
James: I don't have any
Lindsay: Ill come get the card
James: There's nothing on it
Lindsay: How the hell r u broke already
Lindsay: Ur lying
James: Booze, whores, pills, coke
James: These are a few of my favorite things
Lindsay: Well ur too fat to be on coke but the other things I cn bvelieve lol
James: :(
Lindsay: Awww I hurt ur feelings I'm sorry about that
James: I'm going to go cry over a tub of icecream
Lindsay: So do u want lunch or no
James: Nah I had some almonds a few minutes ago now I'm going to go purge in the bathroom brb
Lindsay: Will u please b serious do u want me to get ur lunch ill leave now if u want
James: You're only being this persistant because you want me to buy your lunch
Lindsay: Ur right lol
James: And you're counting on me giving you a $20 so you can keep the change
Lindsay: Well if u ask for the change ill give it to u but u never do so I use thjat for gas money
James: I don't really care I'm just pointing it out
Lindsay: K well then do u want me to do that
James: Yes
Lindsay: See if u would have just said that 20 min again u would have food by now but u have to b a smart ass
James: You mean you'd have food by now. I'm not hungry yet
Lindsay: Y r u being a dick I'm offering to do something nice for u and u turn it arond like tha
James: I'm paying for the food for both of us and I presume your kid and I'm paying for the gas. You're just spending time but you'd be doing it anyway if you had the money but you don't.
Lindsay: I have ogtten u lunch plenty of times when I didn't even want ne thing so don't make it sound like I don't do u favors
James: I know
Lindsay: So whats ur problem
James: I don't care, just pointing it out
Lindsay: Ok then I'm on the way now
James: Two days ago you were saying that you had a ton of food at your mom's so you could've just said that there's no reason to go out of your way to get me lunch when you can just eat there for free
James: So since you didn't say that I'm going to guess that you just want to see me
Lindsay: **** u I'm here I'm parked behind fed ex so shut the **** up and walk out here and give me money NOW
James: Finishing a phone just come in and I'll give it to you
Lindsay: I don't want to come inside
James: Too bad a certain guy didn't say the same thing about 6 months ago
Lindsay: Yeah dammit
Entry 38: 05-02-2009, 04:31 PM
From Upstairs
Lindsay: U in bed yet
James: No
Lindsay: Do u wanna come up
James: For what
Lindsay: U know what
James: I'm going to sleep
Lindsay: Oh so u don't want pussy b4 u go tosleep
James: I'll take head
Lindsay: U can get a little come upstairs
James: You come down here
Lindsay: I'm prego and I'm tired I don't wanna go up and down stairs u get up here right now!!
James: That's ok
Lindsay: What the **** I need penis
James: Come down and get it but I only want head
Lindsay: Whatever goodnite
Lindsay: R u still up
James: No
Lindsay: Well ur awake so if I come down will u ****
James: I don't have condoms
Lindsay: James I am already pregnant and I don't have nething
James: How do you know
Lindsay: I got tested
James: When?
Lindsay: Last month but I know I don't have nething haven't had sex with neone since then
James: You're lying
Lindsay: No I'm not so do u want to **** or no
James: You can give me head
Lindsay: Will u lick my twat
James: Hell no
Lindsay: K **** u then have fun with ur hands lol
James: Have fun with yours
Lindsay: I will jerkface
Lindsay: Hello mr tyrell when will u b home
James: On my way
Lindsay: Ok well I am in bed but u cane come up if u wanna
James: That's ok
Lindsay: No u will do it
James: Just got some no thanks
Lindsay: What no u diddnt
James: Want to smell my finger?
Lindsay: Ur gross
Lindsay: Hey I can't sleep
James: So take those sleeping pills
Lindsay: I can't I have to b up erly and I won't b able to if I take em
Lindsay: If I sleep down there will u rub my belly
James: Um why
Lindsay: It relaxes me is it ok if I sleep in ur bed I don't like sleeping on the couch somethin about the texture
James: Wtf rub it yourself
Lindsay: Ill get to sleep better if u do it
James: I'm gonna need some incentive
Lindsay: Ill play with ur balls
James: Not really doing it for me sorry
Lindsay: Fine I will rub my head on ur penis
James: What
Lindsay: I don't want to do nething tonite will u just rub my belly
James: I'm going to sleep
Lindsay: Well ill be down in a min ans I'm sleepin with u and if u don't rub my belly ill take my bra off and leak my boob juice in ur bed
Lindsay: Hey what r u doin
James: Nothing about to head home
Lindsay: Ok I'm here I wanna sleep downstairs tonite cause its darker and cooler is that ok
James: I don't care
Lindsay: I mean in ur bed
James: Whyyyyy
Lindsay: Cause I want to so there end of discussion
James: No sleep on the couch
Lindsay: I don't like the couch I used to but not now I don't no y
James: Not my problem
Lindsay: Y do u care if I sleep in ur bed its big enuf
James: That spot is reserved for things into which I put my penis so if you aren't one of those then you don't get to sleep there
Lindsay: Ill **** if u want there r condoms on ur dresser
James: Lol you bought condoms?
Lindsay: Yeah
James: Is that a first?
Lindsay: Shut the **** up and it really sux when I have a kid with me and prego with anoth 1 and I'm buying condoms so u better appreciate it
James: Yeah wow I bet you felt like a whore doing that..assuming you don't always feel like a whore
Lindsay: **** u
Lindsay: Where r u
James: Driving
Lindsay: K well hurry I'm tired
James: So sleep
Lindsay: I need penis
James: I bet
Lindsay: Hello
James: Hi
Lindsay: How was ur day
James: Fantabulous
Lindsay: That's good so I was gonna ask if u could help me u c sir I want penis and ur the only person in the house withj that so can u help me out with that?
James: A transfer of liability of penis typically takes three business days
Lindsay: Well I don't think I wanna have sex 4 3 daysa how bout 30min max
James: You're dumb
Lindsay: No I'm horny lol
Lindsay: So r u comin up or am I comin to u
James: I'm coming in a towel
Lindsay: R u srious it better not b my towel
James: Was it good for you?
Lindsay: Do u mean ur wearing a towel or u jacked ur dick into 1
Lindsay: Well that answers that goodnite then faggot
Lindsay: Hey where r u
James: Out with some friends
Lindsay: K well ill b on the couch so wake me up when u get here
James: Why
Lindsay: So I can c u
James: You can't see me I'm a ninja
Lindsay: Yes I can and no ur not
James: Am too, wanna see my kungfu dick action?
Lindsay: Yes I do
James: Sorry you can't its too fast
James: Like drop down from the rafters swish swish skeet skeet ninja vanish
Lindsay: Well ur not a ninja sorry but yeah that does sound excirting
Lindsay: Where r u
James: Hiding in the shadows
Lindsay: K will u b home soon
James: I don't go home, a wise ninja waits for home to come to him
Lindsay: Well the house aint moving
James: AND THEN STRIKES MERCILESSLY COMPLETELY UNPROVOKED
Lindsay: Ur such a dork
James: Insulting one ninja is insulting all ninja, just wait til my clan hears about this
James: House of frying wonton wirr show you PAIN and fear maybe
James: And I'm about to nail this blonde chick so don't wait up
James: She's drunk and pissing in someone's driveway right now
Lindsay: I peed myself a little today when I sneezed
James: I mention a girl peeing and you have to 1 up her do you think that turns me on or something lol
James: Should I get you some diapers
Lindsay: No it just reminded me and **** u I hope u get aids
Lindsay: Hello there when will u b here
James: Late
Lindsay: Well I'm horny
James: That's cool
Lindsay: K well just lettin u know if u wanna b home b4 I go tobed
Lindsay: Omg I'm a horrible person
James: I know but why do you say that
Lindsay: Nvm I probly shouldn't tell u
James: What did you do
Lindsay: Ill tell u later
James: Is this something that's going to make me angry
Lindsay: No u will probably laugfh
James: So tell me
Lindsay: I was watchin ur porn and I used 1 of kks toys
James: Used?
Lindsay: Take a guess james
James: Rofl what was it
James: Is it something that vibrates
Lindsay: I don't kno wwhat it is its part of somethin she got for xmas no it doesn't vib
Lindsay: Omg y did I do that
James: I dunno but now you need to burn it, see if any demons escape
Lindsay: Ur funny ohwell I was bored and she doesn't play with it neway
Lindsay: I've done worse to I used part of her toy to make a grav bong once lol
James: Mother of the year
Lindsay: Shut the **** up well I'm goin to bed nite
Lindsay: Hey mr tyrell just letting u know I'm home
James: K
Lindsay: Where u at
James: My brother's
Lindsay: Ok well I did ur laundry and if I don't see u tonite ill see u tomorrow sometime to get ur car cleaned
James: Thanks
Lindsay: File: IMG00179.jpg (6 KB)
Lindsay: And that's 4 u
James: Yay
Lindsay: Yeah I just felt like showin em off I need to get new bras
Lindsay: Will u b home soon
James: 20 mins maybe
Lindsay: Well ill b up for abit if u wanna do something
Lindsay: Hey where r u
James: Had to stop at an atm omw home now
Lindsay: Oh y did u go the atm
James: Need cash for tomorrow
Lindsay: Oh I thought u were getting green I wanna smoke but I can't dammit
James: You can smoke this cock
Lindsay: Ok well then r u ****ing to or should I go to bed
James: You should brush your teeth
Lindsay: Ur a jerk ill c u tomorrow then goodnite
Lindsay: Y aren't u answering ur phone
Lindsay: Hello r u getting these
James: Left my phone in the car
Lindsay: Ok well r u home
James: No why
Lindsay: I was thinkin bout driving home tonite but if ur not there ill stay in bassville
James: Ok
Lindsay: So will u b home
James: Eventually yeah
Lindsay: When
James: Idk
Lindsay: Well what r u doing james
Lindsay: K well ill b home soon
James: Just had dinner and some drinks now I'm about to wrap it up and wrap this date up
Lindsay: Oh I didn't know u had a date tonite sorry to bother u
Lindsay: And I kinda want me and u to go out and do something this weekend if I can find a babysitter is that ok
James: Get your wigger excon ****buddy to take you out
Lindsay: What do u mean ****budd I aint ****in him its nothing like that between me and him
James: Yeah ok
Lindsay: Y would I lie I love u and I'm going to kick u in the balls
Lindsay: Answer ur phone dickface so I can yell at u
Lindsay: Just wait til u get home u better bring me a chic sanwich or something cause I am hungry and prego and yeah ur balls r getting kicked
Lindsay: I love u goodnite
Lindsay: Omg what r u doing
James: Watching a movie
Lindsay: Oh that's what that nosie is
Lindsay: Well now I'm awake and can't sleep
James: That sucks
Lindsay: Yeah and I want to eat somerthing sweet but I don't want to gey up
James: That's a sad story
Lindsay: Yes it is mr owens yes it is now bring me a popcicle
James: Nah
Lindsay: Or ooh some mms
James: Mms?
Lindsay: M and ms yes bring me those
James: No
Lindsay: Listen I need those mms
James: And I need some incentive
Lindsay: God dammit y does it always come down to this
James: Do you want them or not
Lindsay: I hate u yes but I'm just going to spit on it
James: You shouldn't have told me that, guess you're getting up
Lindsay: Omg I'm kidding ok bring them to me
James: M&Ms: so good you'll suck dick
Lindsay: Yeah really god I hate being pregnant y did u let this happen
Lindsay: Hello
James: What
Lindsay: Just saying hello ass
James: K
Lindsay: How r u
James: Peachy
Lindsay: That's good how was ur day
James: Wonderful
Lindsay: Well that's good ok I love u have a good nite
James: You too
Lindsay: Sorry I 4got to tell u I need penis
Lindsay: And I wanna do it on the couch I don't knowe y that's just the way I've beebn thinjing about it so can u assist me sir
James: I thought you said you didn't have sexual urges anymore
Lindsay: Well yes and no but yeah I just need it really bad right now so yeah
James: I'll take head
Lindsay: Ok james seriously no u can't do that
James: Ok goodnight then
Lindsay: U can't tell me I can't bring ne1 over and then not have sex when I'm horny it doest work like that so either let me bring some1 over or put ur dirty old penis in my beautiful vagina
James: I might kill your fetus with my dick
James: Penicular homicide
Lindsay: Ok that's fine ur welcome to try
Lindsay: I just wanted to tell u I love u tyrell
James: K
Lindsay: And ur an *******
James: I know
Lindsay: Ok just makin sure
Lindsay: Can u bring me that plate that's in the fridge
James: No
Lindsay: Ok well if I come down there I aint comin backl up those stairs
James: Ok
Lindsay: And ur making me mad so I'm gonna sit on u
Lindsay: And u will hate it cause I'm way fat
James: Yeah
Lindsay: Seriously I am up to size 11 pants now omg this is crazy
James: It's because you're having twins
Lindsay: Shut the **** up no I'm not
James: That's why you're so hungry all the time when you weren't last time you were pregnant. You're eating for three now
Lindsay: Well if I have twins ur taking 1 and we can move acros the street from eachother and they will meet up later and b like wtf like parent trap
James: Maybe we can get a reality show out of the deal
Lindsay: Omg I am really worried now is it posible to have twins without knowing ur having them
James: Yeah
Lindsay: R u being serious right now
James: Yeah
Lindsay: Please don't play with me do u really think I could b having twins
James: You are definitely having twins
Lindsay: Shut up this is stressing me and I heard u in the kitchen what r u eating
James: That plate of stuff you had in there
Lindsay: R u serious
Lindsay: I'm going to ****ing murder u
James: Chill fatty
(this did not end here)
Entry 39: 05-02-2009, 04:44 PM
Twilight and the Whale
Lindsay: So what r u doin tonite
James: Depends on why you're asking
Lindsay: Well my sis called and was talking about how she needed to get away and she asked if she could come stay with us
James: That's fine but why are you asking what I'm doing tonight
Lindsay: I was gonna ask if you want to hang with us and watch movies or somethin
Lindsay: Ill cook u dinner
James: :(
Lindsay: So is that yes or no
James: It's a sadface
Lindsay: I know but y r u sad
James: Gosh I don't know where to start
James: Yeah I'll be there
Lindsay: Ok have u seen twilight yet
James: Yeah I watched it last night
Lindsay: Did u like it
James: No
James: The whole thing seemed like some socially awkward unpopular schoolgirl's masturbatory fantasy
Lindsay: Ok well I thought it was good think what u want
James: This pretty, intellectual and mysterious girl comes to a new school, is instantly accepted by everyone, gets asked to prom by a number of guys but she wants the guy that no other girl can have, the forbidden fruit, the VAMPIRE!!!
James: But he's not icky like nosferatu, he's super cute and friendly and stuff, like casper the friendly ghost
Lindsay: Well he is cedric from harry optter and he's hot f u
Lindsay: Y do u have to talk **** about all the movies I like
James: This girl is so friggin mysterious the mind reading vampire can't even read her mind, like woah. So he totally gets a boner for her and invites her to a game of vampire baseball because that's what the **** vampires do
James: I'd have more to say but I left to get beer after that and I don't know how it ended
Lindsay: Well we will watch it tonite so u can see the ending
James: I'm guessing the friendly vampires save the chick from the mean vampires and the chick and the mind reader finally have sex but it's like jane austen sex so no one cares, the end
Lindsay: Nope ur wrong
James: Yeah it's probably even worse than that
James: Can we watch porn instead
Lindsay: No that would b weird
James: You won't be paying attention anyway, you'll just be talking over the movie about the stupid **** you two talk about without using your inside voices
Lindsay: Well were not watching porn that's all
James: Not that I want to watch porn with my pregnant roommate and her crazy cow sister but I figure since I won't be able to hear it I may as well get a visual I can enjoy
Lindsay: Ok but janet is gonna get ideas lol she was askin bout u that's y I asked u to come home
James: Oh **** no
James: Isn't she engaged
James: Not that that's what would stop me. Ugh
Lindsay: Yes but ryan chreated on her and they r workin it out but she's still mad obviosly so ueah she is wanting to play lol
James: She can play in traffic
Lindsay: Well b nice u don't have to hang out if u don't wannt to but I am making dinner so u WILL b home to eat it james u will!!
James: Fine
Lindsay: U should get drunk tonite
James: Yeah then who knows I may just end up sticking my harpoon in that whale after all
Lindsay: Well I meant so u can enjoy urself when ur putting up with us but yeah that's cool to lol
James: THAR SHE BLOWS
Lindsay: Yeah ok ill see u tonite
James: So have you and your sister ever gotten experimental with each other
Lindsay: Wow I'm not even gonna answer that
James: Ever share toys or dicks?
Lindsay: Nope not gonna discuss this with u
James: Sounds like I'm on to something. I'll get your sister liquored up and get it out of her
Lindsay: There's nothin to get out ur just a sick person and u think about weird **** stop it
Lindsay: U stop it right now
James: Alright see you in a couple hours preggo
Lindsay: Pick up some tomato sauce on ur way home please sir
Lindsay: And janet will just say yes to mess with u she's like that
James: Oh I'm sure
Entry 40: 05-27-2009, 10:13 PM
Ok, for you.
Feed Bag
Lindsay: Omg what is this check 4
James: Commission
Lindsay: Well I'm charging a fee to deposit it a thousand bucks ok? Ok
James: No but you can bring me lunch
James: Both my primary and secondary lunch bitches are out today
Lindsay: U suck and ok I will b there after I go 2 the bank
Lindsay: Do u think they will let me eat there with u or will I b in the way
James: You're pretty much always in the way of something
Lindsay: Shut up I can't help it I am prego and I take food very seriously
Lindsay: I ate 12 icecream cones and I have choc icecream on my shirt dammit
James: What the ****
James: In one sitting?
Lindsay: No not in one sitting but spread out today
James: You're going to die and no you can't eat here today but I will make it up to you tonight if you want
Lindsay: Oh yeah well ill c if my mom will watch kk
James: I'll take you to the feed store and we'll get a feed bag and a couple bags of oats and maybe some tarps so you don't get anything on your shirt
Lindsay: Oh ok well looks like this check aint gettin deposited 2day mayb I willk wipe my ass with it
James: Then how will I buy the oats?
Entry 41: 07-30-2009, 10:51 AM
Here's a story in a hurry, starting from where we left off in the conversation logs.
She hooked back up with her ex (the wigger I mentioned in a few of the conversations - not the baby's dad) and didn't want me to know. Instead of confronting her on it I just let her remain stressed from trying to lie to me and do things behind my back when she knows she can't. It worked out in my favor for a while because she was kissing my ass because she felt guilty, but one night she had a glass of wine and accidentally told me. Things got really awkward when I told her I already knew. She didn't say much to me the rest of the night.
I didn't see her at home for a few days after that but she'd still bring me lunch and IM me all day, just making sure we're still OK as friends. She still depended on me after all. Then one night she wanted me to take her out for dinner. I don't like these fake dates and I like spending money on her even less, but I didn't want to miss out on the things she might have to say. I've detached myself from the reality of the situation and feel more like the outsider looking in anymore, so I pretty much go along with whatever as long as it's not too much of an inconvenience.
She told me the retard had asked her to marry him, and that she didn't give him an answer but was wearing his ring anyway. I wanted to laugh. He's a convicted felon, no driver's license, lives in what looks like a tool shed, brings home something like $300/wk. Gold teeth, tatted up, IQ of a house plant, fatass, wannabe thug, crying pussy wigger.
For your viewing pleasure:
LCSO - Booking Detail for: 0923127(http://www.lcso.org/asp/inmatepublic/mugshot_booking_detail.asp?bookingnumber=0923127)
I told her she should do it.
To be continued when I have more time.
Entry 42: 08-09-2009, 02:05 PM
Oh, hey, here's a new one:
LCSO - Booking Detail for: 0924635(http://www.lcso.org/asp/inmatepublic/mugshot_booking_detail.asp?bookingnumber=0924635)
He flipped out after taking a few xannies and getting drunk, beat the **** out of Lindsay, trashed the trailer they just moved into, went to the hospital because he cut up his hands punching out windows, flipped out again, got tasered, and doesn't remember a thing.
Didn't take long. Have fun in prison again, pussy.
Entry 43: 08-09-2009, 03:19 PM
continued story (still in a hurry)
I remember that conversation being interesting but I don't remember most of what was said. I just remember her acting a bit disappointed by my reaction. I guess she expected me to be jealous or devastated, and instead she got complacency. That night she stayed over at his place. She was 8 months into her pregnancy and was already dialated, so I'm pretty sure they had unprotected sex and triggered the premature birth of her daughter, as she went into labor around 4 am the next morning.
She stayed at the hospital for a few days because the baby was having issues. I stopped by one day to visit and the idiot was there, talking about how excited he was to be a daddy and such. I found it all amusing but at the same time was depressed knowing how ****ed this kid's going to be if she stays with this *******. He said something about a crib and I asked if he had room for all of that in the closet he lived in. He just looked over at Lindsay with a confused expression, as if saying, "You didn't tell him?" She started to say something to me and I cut her off with a flat no. She ignored that and continued to tell me -- not ask -- that he would be staying with us. Again, just no. She wasn't satisfied with that and asked for a reason. I told her I was being nice by only saying no. Actually, it was that the situation was so ****ed I didn't even want to invest into it the thought that would be required to deliver a better response. She argued that she couldn't take care of two kids on her own. Well, that's a simple solution, I thought. "Then, get the **** out."
She just looked down for a moment, then looked back up at me with sad eyes and asked if we were still friends. The reaction just confused me. It was mind-blowingly absurd to me at the time. I could literally not think of one single word to say, so I left.
She still talked to me every day after that, surprisingly, but it was just general bull****. Good morning, how's work, stuff about the baby, family/ghettoville gossip, vagina hurts, good night. We tip-toed around our own drama for almost two weeks before seeing each other again. The retard had to do a week in county for a possession charge and her grandmother was out of town for the same amount of time so I said she could stay at my house for that week. All her stuff was still there, anyway, and I'll admit I missed her.
The first night she brought over one of her girlfriends I hadn't met before. She was decent looking and dressed like a slut, and was already buzzing on some ghettomart bitch drink. I thought she was meant as a peace offering, and I accepted.
Bbl
Entry 44: 08-10-2009, 01:13 AM
ya so anyways
The drunk bitch came on pretty strong. Before I had even said more than a few words to her she was burying her face into my chest, trying to guess what laundry detergent I used or something. About an hour later she was sitting next to me on the couch with a leg crossed over mine and pulling my hand up her thigh. Good times were about to be had, but alas, as if her cockblock alarm had sounded off, Lindsay came back downstairs and asked my new friend if she could help her in the other room.
I don't know what was said and wasn't worried about it at the time, but after about a minute the ho came back into the living room and said she was going to get a quick shower. Meanwhile Lindsay was telling me that the wigger was literally crying on the way to the jail, not because he was going but because he was sure she'd leave him for me, and she told him she would if he kept ****ing up. I got the feeling she was lying about at least part of that. She was just dropping hints. She also said she told him that the two of us are very close and if something were to happen on some drunken night, he'd just have to live with that if he wants to be with her, and he said he was fine with that. That had to be a lie. More hint dropping. She went on like that for a while and I stayed quiet until finally she let me get a word in. "What the **** is taking that bitch so long in the bathroom? You better go make sure she's still conscious."
The whore eventually emerged from the bathroom about 45 minutes after entering, wearing a very unthrilling outfit consisting of baggy pajama pants and a guy's large t-shirt, and, in an overly relaxed tone, announced she was going to sleep and proceeded to go upstairs. What the hell. I got my ear chewed off by the recently depregenated, stitched-up, stretch-marked sex saboteur while my incorreclty presumed gift of ass took care of herself in my bathroom. Lindsay of course denied any intentional cockblockery. I'm pretty sure that if I were able to suppress my burning contempt I would have had some success in propositioning her for oral compensation, but I couldn't. If she were a man I would have punched her.
To be continued
Entry 45: 08-23-2009, 11:03 AM
Liquid Damage
Lindsay: Hey ty whatcha doin
James: Drinking myself under the table
James: That doesn't sound right
Lindsay: Yeah? Lol no it doesn't
Lindsay: R u home by urself
James: Yeah still feeling ****ty
Lindsay: That sux I'm sorry do u still have a fever
James: Nah, I stopped by the pharmacy and picked up some cowbell
Lindsay: That's good glad to hear it I would drink wit u but gary can't watch the girls tonite he camt see
James: Welding without a mask again?
Lindsay: Yeah
James: Guess it'd be hard to fit over his helmet
Lindsay: What he doesn't have a helmet
Lindsay: Call me when ur wasted
Lindsay: Omg kk is gonna drive me crazy and the other will do thre same soon I'm sure y do I have to have kids
James: Because you're a nasty cum dumpster
Lindsay: Y ru so mean
James: It's a long story
Lindsay: I let mel read that she asked y I'm ur friend lol no1 undrstands our friendship I love it
James: Neither do I
Lindsay: Shut up u love me
Lindsay: Say it
James: Can't make me
Lindsay: Yes I can u say it right now mother****er ill come rite now and shoot u witj the glock
James: Why do you always refer to my things with 'the' instead of 'your' like it's ours
Lindsay: Cause all ur stuff is mine 2 we r friends and friends share
James: And what are you sharing besides vd
Lindsay: Well I don't have much u know but u can take kk
Lindsay: And I'm taking THE microwave so let me ge tthat
James: No
Lindsay: Well I need it
James: You don't get to bounce mid-lease and take my **** with you
Lindsay: Yes I can we were married and got divoced don't u remember?
Lindsay: I'm taking the bat 2
Lindsay: Yes THE bat
James: Listen just because I'm famous and sexy doesn't mean you get to marry me as soon as I leave the room
Lindsay: Well it happened sorry bout ur luck
James: My eyes are whistling from the sinus pressure
Lindsay: Ill kick u in the face will that hekp$
James: THE face?
Lindsay: Yep that's mine 2
Lindsay: R u drunk
James: Not sure
Lindsay: U can still type so I guess not what r u drinkin killians?
James: That and scotch
James: And dr pepper
Lindsay: U must not b drinkin 2 mcuh then if ur not drujnk by now
James: Nah I've just developed a chemnical defense that keeps me from getting drunk when talking to golddigging skanks
Lindsay: No u don't and if I was a gold digger I sre as hell woulnt b with gary so f u in ur stupid face
Lindsay: There I said ur face not the face u can have it back I don't want it cause its stupid
Lindsay: I just farted and it smells
James: Great
Lindsay: Yeah don't u miss living with me
Lindsay: Well f u I'm goin to bed love ya call me tomorrow
James: What for
Lindsay: Ur an *******
James: And you smell like one
Lindsay: Yeah its horrible omg I don't kno wwhat I ate that did this but it sux
Lindsay: Oh and mel said there's an app 4 bb that makes it vib a long time can u get me that kind sir?
James: Are you serious
Lindsay: Yeah isn't that awesome
James: I'm gonna go ahead and flag your phone for liquid damage
James: And aids
Lindsay: Its cool I got ins
Entry 46: 08-30-2009, 02:58 PM
Here's more of the catch-up story. My memory's a little fuzzy on the sequence of events but this should be close if not accurate.
I didn't talk to her much for the rest of the week, and the few times I was home with her she annoyed the hell out of me. She wasn't really doing anything differently, though. I was just tired of her and looking past things by putting myself above the situation was becoming more difficult, compounded with work-related stress and frustrations from chasing tail elsewhere. The only time I thought about her during that was when I was trying to figure out why I've allowed this leech to be this close for this long. I don't remember if I made a breakthrough with that. Maybe it's the two kids gnawing on my conscience. Not their fault their mom's a ****up and their family's worthless.
Shortly after the idiot got out, Lindsay found out he had cheated on her just before getting locked up. She forgave him. A couple days later she was wearing a ring. I still wasn't talking to her much but I let her continue to stay because she didn't have anywhere else to go and I wasn't home much anyway, but I wouldn't let him come over. She ignored me and brought him over one day when I was home, but after I politely told him that he'd be choking on his gold teeth if he didn't stay in the car, he just said "a'ight" and she drove him back to his shed-like dwelling in ghettoville, which may be where he left his balls.
She was persistent in asking me to let him come over, so I said he could if he helped with the rent but he couldn't stay over. She didn't like that, but she brought him back the next day. He gave me $180 and a bag of horrible weed. He smoked outside by himself as Lindsay and I talked on the couch, and walked in as she was giving me a shoulder rub. He didn't say anything but was visibly bothered, and I began to see that I could have a lot of fun with this.
I started letting him stay over and thoroughly enjoyed creating problems for them in their relationship. Every night that I was home she'd make him watch the kids upstairs while her and I drank together. He saw her go into the bathroom one night to piss while I was in the shower. I could hear them yelling upstairs afterward. She scolded him one day for eating popcicles out of my freezer (I guess she forgot they were hers). He looked nervous as he apologized to me for taking them. It was hard to keep a straight face during my Clint Eastwood impression. "You ate MY popcicles?" He looked panicked and promised he'd buy me more (and he did). He walked in on us as I was sitting on the couch and Lindsay was bent over in front of me with her pants down wearing a dental floss thong. She wanted to show me her stretchmarks for some reason. He didn't even say anything - just looked pissed, turned around and left just before he showed me her tits. I heard them fighting later. One day she showed up at my shop and I noticed her ring was gone. When I asked what happened to it she told me he had "said something smart" and she threw it out the window while she was driving. She wouldn't tell me what it was, so it was probably something about me. He eavesdropped on a conversation we had in which she was telling me that, once her vagina stops hurting, she wouldn't feel bad about cheating on him with me. I could hear his loud breathing around the corner but I guess she couldn't, and I didn't stop her. I'm sure I'm forgetting some things. But he remained respectful of me even though he had to have hated me with a passion.
Tbc
Entry 48: 08-31-2009, 09:02 AM
One night she asked me to take her to dinner while Idiotard watched the kids at my house. It wasn't the first time she asked but it was the first time I gave in. I figured I'd just shoot him if he broke or stole anything. It wouldn't be hard to get off with self defense with someone who has a record like that. She talked excitedly on the way to dinner about us going out for the first time in a while and asked why I didn't want to do it earlier. I said something about how it's a waste of time and that she pisses me off. I don't know what exactly it was because I was concentrating on the geriatric in front of me that had just cut me off, but whatever it was upset her. I acted like it was a joke. She wasn't buying it. She got misty-eyed as she told me that I'm her best friend and she loves me and I need to tell her if I have a problem yadda yadda. I paused and contemplated just coming clean with how I felt and letting it all end right there. I haven't seen her look so worried since she found out she was pregnant. "We are friends, aren't we?" her voice cracked as she asked. It inspired 'aww' in me, not like when she asked me the same thing at the hospital because this time she hadn't done anything recently to make me want to drop the hammer. Damn it. A simple "yes" satisfied her enough to get her out of the car. She asked if she was my best friend. I felt like I was talking to a kid. I told her she was and she became giddy as we walked to the door. I think it's that kind of lost schoolgirl weirdness that I miss when she's gone.
She ordered food, I ordered drinks. Her first topic of discussion was how Gary is trying very hard to be my friend. I cut her off and told her it would never happen. Dead topic. She started talking about when we first met, how our relationship progressed, how she felt about everything in our early days and how she wishes we could be that close again. Four scotches on an empty stomach later I was trying to destroy her. She took it all pretty well. I remember her apologizing a lot and calling herself a stupid whore who doesn't deserve me, among other things. The rest of the night is pretty fuzzy to me, but I remember feeling better about things afterward. She was slightly less drunk than I was so she drove us home, and she told me later we stopped somewhere and made out for a while but I don't remember that at all. She came up to my shop the next day and saw what I had her listed as in my phone: "lying ****." She didn't act very bothered by it but she changed it to "the bestie." Cute. I changed it back after she left.
She had her gyno checkup on the 10th of July and let me know that she was ready to have sex again. That happened to be my birthday. How convenient. It was tempting but I said no thanks. At least she was respectful enough to not **** the wigger in my house. A week later she had another ring and they were looking for a place to move into together. They found a single-wide trailer in ghettoville and she moved out, and instantly started having money problems, which wasn't helped by the incident in which he was arrested and spent all their money on bailing him out. She stopped getting unemployment and a few other forms of government handouts. He brings home something like $200 a week now and she's still with him because she's stupid. I started letting her do things like clean my house and car for a few bucks, but it's not enough. She asked if she could do anything else. Nope. She started sending me pictures of herself from all sorts of different angles (still not that great even after hitting the gym for a couple months), a couple of them involving one of her friends. Too bad it was the chubby one or I might've said yes. "So what will it take?" Hmm.
And that's where we're at right now.
Entry 49: 09-03-2009, 04:34 PM
Whore-off
James: Our server at chilis was being a dick and gave me paper and crayons to play with when I'm bored
James: I drew a $5 bill and left it as his tip
Lindsay: Heuy I need the pistol
James: Um why
Lindsay: Caitlyn startin**** please if not ill find one ty and ill be in prison I justw anna scare the bitch
James: No
Lindsay: Aight
Lindsay: Ill call u from jail to bond me out is that ok
James: No
James: What did she do
Lindsay: She just called me on the phoen talkin about how no one wans to **** me because I'm nasty eveyrone wants to **** me she's the dirty bitch with gentle warts aint no one wanted to **** her
James: Well at least they're gentle warts
James: They could be slightly overbearing warts. Those are the warts you don't want to **** with
Lindsay: I'm tired of her talkin **** tyrell she's about to fin dout
James: I don't quite understand what you're talking about sounds like some whore is saying you're not as good a whore as she is who cares
Lindsay: I do imma get her
James: K good luck
(Brief phone conversation about how she's going to my house to find my gun and more ranting about her rival ghetto whore. I went home to intercept her but she never showed up.)
James: What are you doing
Lindsay: Nuttin
James: You chill out yet
Lindsay: No
James: Did you have a whore-off
Lindsay: Shut up
James: That'd be the best way to settle this don't you think?
Lindsay: I'm not tryin to b a bigger slut I don't like her talkin **** about me to my friends just cause she's made every1 knows she got warts ****ing nasty ****
Lindsay: Let me catch her somewere ill beat the bitch in front of my kids I don't give a ****
Lindsay: Lemme get the bat
James: This is entertaining and all but you really need to grow up
Lindsay: Whatever if gary was talkin **** and spreading all kinds fo lies and **** about u would b here to fight him so don't tel me to grow up
James: Um he probably is but why would I care about what a bunch of worthless ****s in no shoes land think of me
Lindsay: No he doesn't but I guess ur right
James: Want to get away for a little while?
Lindsay: Yes god yesr but I have to pick up gary soon and make dinner mayb ill get him to watch the and ill come over tonite
Lindsay: Ill let u know
(a few hours later)
Lindsay: I really am depressed
Lindsay: I hate everi
Lindsay: Everything but my girls thay r my world
James: I hate you too
Lindsay: I just miss nard and I hate this there's nothing nobody can do
James: True, you have to deal with it like everyone else
James: Where are you
Lindsay: Home
James: Want me to come get you?
Lindsay: No I don't feel like goin newhere
James: Ok
Lindsay: I love u
James: Make up your mind
Then I got a phone call at 12:01 am with her telling me "Happy Birthday, Bernard." Uhh..
Again at 12:18. She was crying too much for me to make out what she was saying.
1:10, she was driving around aimlessly and got lost.
1:58, crying about missing her dead friend again. I could hear people laughing in the background. She couldn't tell me where she was.
2:23, said she was on her way home. She said she was going to tell Gary that she wants to move out of state with me (lol?), and if he got angry she'd come over.
(next afternoon, after several failed attempts at calling her)
Lindsay: Fuuuuuuuck
James: Oh hi
Lindsay: Sorry I'm sick ill call u later
James: Yeah I bet, you sounded pretty ****ed up last night
Lindsay: Sorry
James: So I've been thinking about things with us
Lindsay: Yeah?
James: I'm tired of just sitting back and seeing where this all goes. I'm tired of only reacting
James: I've known what I want for a long time now and I just let it slip through my fingers for stupid reasons
Lindsay: What r u saying ty?
James: I want five chicks at once
James: Can you make that happen?
James: Hello?
James: We'll talk later
Entry 50: 10-25-2009, 02:53 PM
I haven't forgotten about this thread. Things have just gone to a strange level with us and it's hard getting thread-worthy material out of her. But I tried.
Bitey McCool
James: The mail came, still no package
James: So much for 2-3 day
Lindsay: Yeah bull****!!!!!!lol
James: Have you played with the rabbit yet?
Lindsay: No I tried it but not really triiiiieeeed it imma do that tonite maybe I had an issue
Lindsay: And how and the hell is that disease free ****!!
James: What issue
Lindsay: Ill explain if u delete this conv. and what is that disease free
James: What about it? My status was available and I put and disease free behind it
Lindsay: But y
James: Um because it's true
James: Although I did test positive for awesome
Lindsay: That's mean!!!
James: How is that mean?
Lindsay: And very hurtful I have like 4 things in there I can use that don't have diseases
Lindsay: It hurts my fellings u ass
James: Lindsay what the **** are you talking about
Lindsay: I don't know I'm very high and ate the whole house
James: Ok I didn't know you had an std. I'll change it to be more sensitive
Lindsay: I don't have an std u ****ing ass!!! But at the begining of the conv it kinda sounded like it
James: I'm so confused
James: So what issue are you talking about
Lindsay: A yeast infection its prob what I'm eating and maybe the toys u get bacteria
James: Why is there always something wrong with your vagina
Lindsay: I don't know
Lindsay: I'm pretty sure its clearing up it was just annuying I should b good for fri
James: Maybe that fungus smell in my room is from you
Lindsay: That's completely ****ed up I don't have a smell ******* its just yaest infect
James: Oh my bad sorry smelly
Lindsay: **** u
James: Just messing with you
James: Well good luck with that
Lindsay: That really hurts me
James: Dearest Lindsay, I'm genuinely sorry if I hurt your feelings. I was only joking so that I might hear you laugh in your angelic bourbon and cigarettes voice. I keep forgetting that vaginal issues is a touchy subject for you but I'm sure your twat smells lovely. Please accept this apology and coupon for one free arby's $5.01 combo. Love, your bff4lyfe james xoxo
Lindsay: **** u u ass
James: Hey I put a lot of effort into that you're not allowed to be mad at me
Lindsay: U don't mean it nice to see I'm still just a joke to u and forget the thing with mandy too
James: I was just having fun with you I didn't think you were being serious
Lindsay: I know it just gets old u hurt my feelings witht hat **** and u act like u don't care all I ever do is try to make u happy ty
James: How can I make it up to you
Lindsay: U can stop being a stupid penis
James: I'll try
Lindsay: Do u really have that arbys coupon give me that
James: Ok
Lindsay: And take me shopping
James: No
Lindsay: ****
James: You
Lindsay: No f u assface what do I have to do for u to take me shoping ill do nething lol
James: Hmm
Lindsay: Think of something what do u want me to do???!!!!!
James: Thinking
Lindsay: Well think of something good but nothing nasty or scary please
James: Well there goes my fat end of my baseball bat idea
Lindsay: Yeah think of something else
James: Double penetration, me in your ass, mandy with a strapon in your vag
Lindsay: What about vibe in my ass and her and and u can get it on video
James: I'm sorry I thought you said you wanted to go shopping
Lindsay: I do but that will suckk lol maybe if u get me some xannies for that and let me buy whatever I want!!
James: Request denied
Lindsay: Well can u think of something else then please and can I still get that coupon like right now
James: Surely arbys is worth getting ****ed in the ass for
Lindsay: Not really but I'm really high and I'm hungry so ok yes
James: Excellent
Lindsay: No just kidding I don't wanna do that and I reallllly shouldn't eat ne more today lol let's go to the gym tonite ill see if gary will watch the girls
Lindsay: Think of something for me to do cause I wanna go shopping tomorrow nite please ty please please
James: Be at my house tomorrow morning to wake me up for work. I want morning sex and pancakes for breakfast, a bj just before I leave and my house cleaned
Lindsay: Yeah I'm not waking up that early ill do it on tues so u don't have to b up that early and I don't think gary would b fine with me staying over
James: Well damn, and I was looking forward to taking you shopping too
Lindsay: Ur such a prick and a mean friend
James: See you tomorrow morning then?
Lindsay: Fine but ur going with me to the gym tonite right? If gary will watch them
James: Sure
Lindsay: Yay!!!
James: I'm going to get in that ass eventually
James: And when you least expect it
Lindsay: Y do u want to **** my ass ty? R u a faggot? lol
James: Because two kids and a dozen black cocks ruined the other hole
Lindsay: Oh ok cocksucker I know its tight and I didn't hear u complain none so whatever talk more **** cause ur gay
James: I know, I told you before it's like a natural defense guarding me from your vagina
James: Can't wait to hit the gym tonight bro
James: Just a buncha manly guys doing manly things
Lindsay: Yeah ok so u don't want me to come over tom
James: I thought maybe we could go do
James: Something
James: Dirty
Lindsay: I'm making that ur ringtone for when u call
James: It's nothing personal, I just think I need to find someone who loves me for me, and is also loaded and willing to make the payments on my cts-v
James: My cobra don't want none unless you got funds hon
Lindsay: Its anaconda not cobra unless ur saying ur small lol and yeah sorry I'm broke
James: Oh no I mean my actual pet cobra
Lindsay: U don't have a cobra james
James: Sure do his name is bitey mccool and he'd like to have a word with you
James: 1 sec
Lindsay: Ok ty u worry me
James: biteymccool.jpg ( 20.00 KB )
Lindsay: Ok well I guess u do sorry